A step too far…

It is 5pm in Spain and I am sitting outside on a terrace, enjoying a café con leche… I have been sharing my office space today with another Inglés; he has seemed to be very industrious on his computer, whilst drinking Cervezas and smoking cigarettes…

He appears relaxed; and he looks quite bohemian… He reminds me of my alter ego…

I recall doing a writing course with my friend Steph… In one of the writing practises, I wrote the story as my alter ego… A man living in Spain, writing for a living, fuelling his creative process with alcohol and cigarettes…

Investigating and uncovering our ‘alter ego’ can hold valuable insights for us… It can open up aspects of ourselves that might be disowned, hidden away or even lost… Unresolved or unrealised aspects of who we truly are…

So what did this writing in the sun with alcohol and cigarettes – my alter side – represent to me…

Freedom…

Freedom my eternal quest… And watching this man who sits on a table across from me, I see freedom… The truth may be entirely different of course; he could be lonely, lost and bored and have nowhere to go, and alcohol and cigarettes are not necessarily a route to freedom…

However, it is within our projections that we can learn so much… What we think of or see in others is often simply to do with us. So before we decide what we see to be true; the first place to look is back at ourselves…

I am now living my own life of freedom… I am living out the alter ego life in my own way. I have reclaimed the aspects that were disowned and hidden and lost amongst a muddle of doing what I thought was necessary to please… Long gone is that muddle and so although I like the look of the man, I no longer have the pull towards ‘finding out’, which in the past was necessary for me to reclaim myself within the relating.

And now I am married to my alter ego anyway…! Who like me no longer pulls for freedom in rebellion, but lives it…

Whenever we are attracted to something outside ourselves, it is worth recognising that within this lies the possibility for reclaiming something of ourself; there is the chance to unlock and learn and reclaim ourselves within any situation, or relationship… The key is to take full ownership of our own yearnings and recognise they are arrows to where we need to go deeper, to take another step.

If we know this, then everything will work out, because we are taking full responsibility for our life and not hoping another person or situation will ‘do it for us’… We can dare to take a step to a new future because we understand that this life isn’t real, it’s simply a place for us to uncover and recover who we are…

The more conscious we are of this, the more it becomes possible to dare to take that ‘step too far…’

I was laughing with my friend Athena Jane about the actions of my instagram admirer… I had shown her his previous messages in April, and so after receiving his naked pic in the night this week, I sent her a text laughingly saying that he had ‘taken a step too far…’

This lead into Jane suggesting  that this would be a great title for a book… ‘A step too far…’

Is there such a thing…?

Of course in societal terms this is so… There are protocols and actions to adhere to which if we ‘step over’, can wreak havoc on the status quo… And if we are given to taking that step too far – as I was wont to as a child and ongoing – then instead of the freedom I craved, I experienced a curtailing, a punishment, a hauling ‘back into line…’

And so it is of no surprise that I would be attracted to those who stepped over a line, who took a step too far, who challenged the status quo… For it was  the disowned freedom within me that had taken on the mantel of ‘needing to be’ contained, curtailed, repressed, because it was somehow ‘dangerous’, that I saw in the mirror of these other ‘rebellious souls’…

But now I am free… I live as I choose; my own soul’s dance, and the delight is it doesn’t create havoc for others or myself…!

Instead, I am discovering that the courage comes from keeping taking the steps; when there is no longer a created barrier of being told ‘No…!’ Now that I have shed the internal restrictions that mirrored in the disapproval or holding onto by others… What now…?

I have discovered that there cannot be a step too far… That the steps towards our truth are limitless and can never go too far…

 

 

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