It never happened….

After nearly three miles of running along the beautiful sandy sea weedy ‘middle beach’ of Studland bay, I reached the end and saw a line of traffic queuing to the edge of the water; a tall man who had run past me as I was running along the beach, was waiting there too with a group of cyclists…

They told me that I could get across for free, but needed money to return… Of which I had none, and so I resolved to come back tomorrow with Anadi, so that we could adventure onto the next beach which my new cycling friends assured me is very long…

Instead I ran along the long straight road with sandy trails and gorse and tufty grass beside it. As I ran through the toll for the ferry and the man on duty called out ‘You’re barefoot…’ I stopped and we chatted a while, and he recalled how years ago he had a job on the beach hauling boats in and out of the sea all summer long… ‘I was barefoot all the time…’ he said… ‘And that was on pebbles and all, by the end of summer my feet were as tough as if they were wearing shoes..’

After 6k of running along, I turned back again and retraced my steps; the grey blue sea weedy beach with its squawky gulls, made me feel like I had landed in a new film set…

Time melts and bends and feels like play dough in this life I lead. It makes it easy to let go and know that the past never was… It reminds me of a scene in ‘The matrix’, where Neo was being driven along, and the car went past a restaurant… ‘I used to eat there’ he said, then he paused for a second as it dawned on him, and he said ‘but it never happened’…

The life Anadi and I lead now feels like this, that walking through the sunny streets of Medina Sedonia – only last Saturday – never happened, it was all made up… All an illusion.

My morning illusion continued in glorious dreamlike rhapsody…

Imagine the beach, grey blue sweeping dorset landscape; grey pin people walking in twos and threes, wandering, talking… For awhile I ran along a sand bank with the tide was coming higher, I paddled to the shore again and my steps took me past three people talking about their memories of holidays in Jersey…

A snippet, a shaft of light, as the window opened briefly into three lives that I will likely know nothing more about…

And then… The grand finale to my ‘dream’…

Running towards me came a fit brown man, he was barefoot too. This is what I noticed first… Another barefoot runner; until I saw that he was a bare all over runner…

A very brown and healthy looking bare all over runner… Jogging along, relaxed and at ease, my eyes of course were then drawn from his bare feet to his bare maleness, swinging brown and relaxed too – brushing each thigh as he ran…

‘You’re overdressed for this beach’ he joked – Or did he say ‘I’m overdressed…’ I didn’t quite hear him, as we met on the running route… I laughed… ‘You’re looking good’ I said ‘I’ve only got bare feet, you’re bare all over…’

I discovered later that this section of the beach is a naturist beach; and so it was I who was over dressed! And of course it is only what we are not used to that draws us to look more closely… If everyone wandered about naked we wouldn’t want to ‘stand and stare…’

But with new things, the child within us emerges; we drink it in, this new thing, looking and looking. A woman behind me in a queue to order drinks in a pub today stood looking down, transfixed by my feet – the way a child looks and looks and looks – drinking in the sights, the people, the energy; available for new things

My feet make people ‘stand and stare’, but only because we aren’t used to seeing people walking about barefoot, in the same way I am not used to seeing men running bare everythinged… But looking is good; taking it in, adjusting opening to new things, ideas, sights sounds smells… Being curious to what is around us; open and accepting, available…

And if we look in wonder at bare feet in the street, or bare bottoms… Then why not look more closely in the solitude and privacy of our homes – really stare at the beauty of all parts of us; the whole of our bodies and those of our close people… The ones whose naked feet and bottoms we have become familiar with.

Taking time to stand and stare, and know anew what we thought we already did, opens us to everything moving and changing, being new in each moment… Because the past never happened, the future is but a dream and now – here and now – we are seeing everything for the very first time…

 

 

We are one…

As I sit here writing I can hear rain, persistent and heavy… All I’ve heard is rain since we arrived in England last Wednesday… But it lends itself to a green lush land, and is an enjoyable and different experience for us – as well as for my feet..  Although Anadi has laughingly asked me today…’Where have you brought me…?’

I noticed this morning how British people do accept the weather and just ‘get on with it’… There were families arriving on the damp sand, with waterproofs and bags – all they needed for a day at the seaside, groups congregating in beach huts… Runners gathering in bright coloured gear on the road to run, cyclists speeding along despite the driving rain… Sailing boats being rigged and canoes dragged into the sea.

The British are used to this weather and stoical too. There was a positive spirit about everyone I met…

In the town later on, it was full to the brim… People wearing big jackets, carrying umbrellas, hoods up against the rain, with shorts on as well.  Once again my feet were accepted, no one took a bit of notice as I sploshed through the puddles, placed my bare feet on the wet slabs of the pavement – a bit slippy – while weaving my way through the throng… My feet are enjoying the novelty too, its a change from ‘ouchie’ blazing sand and burning hot pavements…

On a mission this morning for coffee – and some cake for me – we passed the White Swan pub… I’m getting to know the town already… Last night we enjoyed a meal there, feeling embraced in the midst of the relaxed animated atmosphere of Friday night fun; warm and dry, rainy wet outside…

As we sat chatting, a few chords struck up, my eyes and body lit up… Live music… ‘Shall we go and listen?’ Anadi suggested…

Coloured lights – blue green purple red – flashing, music throbbing so hard, that I could feel it landing in my body, which then wanted to dance… The body of a woman nearby was moving too; dance requesting to come out, to weave and loop around the room. I danced a bit at the end of one song and the woman and I enjoyed the connection as our bodies moved…

And then… ‘Born to be Wild’ struck up and we danced the song together; joining in the rhythm and the sound and the energy – of the room, and of one another.

Relationship without words only the music moving our bodies… And as the song unfolded our energies merged and we had fun! Relationship, and relating, uncomplicated, connected in the collaboration and co operation of moving together on a dance floor.

We might never meet again, but we experienced joy and friendship in three special rich and enriching minutes… Love life joy energy expressed and exchanged… In silent recognition that we are all part of this tapestry of life…

All multi faceted, multi coloured energetic aspects of the same whole…

We are one…

 

Journeying far…

We woke to a grey blowy day and I stepped out into a land of green grey; Dorset stone rising around me; grey slippy pavement beneath my bare feet…

feeling the energy of the earth beneath my soles, I ran down the road to the beach. The squawking seagulls circled around the empty space, sweeping low over the grey blue sea, which blended and matched the sky. The wind blustery, the air full of rain – the jurassic coast stretching craggily above me, a somewhat menacing feel to it in this light… Raw beauty.

I set off along the wet sand; cold warm sea lapping over my toes… As I weaved my way through the stones and the groins, the tide was already starting to turn and make its way up the beach…

The joy of contrast, variety – such a change from sunny Spain – great for the soul – the experience of treading barefoot on this multifaceted planet…

I met two other women also running along the beach… We padded companionably past one another… I ran back again along the sand to gain some extra kilometres and one of the women was standing still, stretching her arms out delightedly into the rainy air… She started to run again and as we passed one another for the second time, she expressed interest in the barefoot running, ‘Perhaps I should try that…?’ We stopped and talked awhile, the rain growing heavier, the wind blowing the seagulls about in smooth sweeping gliders joy…

The delight of feeling the earth beneath my feet, the rain on my skin…

Back to breakfast of scrambled egg, fruit and coffee; full English for Anadi… Our Spanish tostada and olive oil already a distant dim memory of another life…

Later we braved the rain for lunch in a cafe – and because of the need to find a laundrette…! Pouring rain now, splashy puddle barefoot fun.

My feet attract less attention here, in this hippy shamanic witchy land of ley lines and energy; a place – I was told over lunch – that attracts folk to heal and feel the energy of the earth, to connect with the stones and crystals and join together… As well as being a holiday destination, the beach so near, holiday makers wandering as I wandered too with less focus on my naked feet…

In the cafe my foot jewels were admired, and one man told me of a client of his who lives in Cornwall… He is a podiatrist called Stephen Bloor who used to give his patients insoles but now he lives barefoot himself, and so teaches them to strengthen their feet, as well as using insoles as part of the support and help when necessary, but more as a corrective aid for as long as each individual needs – of course this can be indefinitely for some…

But himself, he loves to be barefoot…

Seventeen years ago, I spent a lot of time ( and money 🙂  getting custom made orthotics to help my chronic injury and I remember at the time resolving to find my way to support myself again… I figured that if my feet had once been strong enough to carry me pain free through an active running life, then they could do it again…

But I also saw the value of getting support while I remembered and re learnt how to support myself… This is the key in any help we give or get… To remember that when we give, we are giving someone the energy and tools to do it by themselves; and the same when we get support and help. It is so that we can do it by ourself…

This orientation means that we are more whole, and so when we join together to create projects, make music, businesses, marriages, families we create synergy and build energy together, rather than drain one another and reduce energy…

I have described this before as creating ‘capital H’ relationships rather than ‘capital A…’ If you think of the letters as two people; then when one walks away in a capital H, both are still standing… It is a very different story with the capital A…

If one walks away, both topple…

I enjoyed the conversation about bare feet and Stephen Bloor, a fellow barefoot being in Cornwall, in the lovely cafe with steamy windows, the sound of the rain outside and a counter with an array of delicious home made cakes…

As I journey, it seems evident that the road my feet are taking is supported all the way; the kindred spirits appearing at each bend in the road…

And last week an idea formed within me… My feet spoke to me…

‘Lets run down the length of Spain next year… Let’s run from North to South; it would be fun… To see if we can, journey this far, this barefoot way – on the land where we are learning the language from the soles up…

‘This souls Journey, on our free strong soles will be fun, please let’s do this thing…’

And so I said… ‘Yes’; of course I did, it can’t be any other way… My feet know the plan, and I must follow!

The earth’s energy moving through our bodies…

On Monday night I went to sleep on the West coast of Spain, Tuesday bedtime came in Malaga, last night I went to sleep on the ninth floor of the Premier Inn at Gatwick airport and tonight I am lying on a lovely big bed in a lodge in Swanage…

Four nights in four different beds; same man!

I love being ‘on the road’ and I enjoy the variety and experiencing the different energies in each place… I also like working through any disorientation, or pulls within me, away from being fully where I am…

Something that I have been working with since we set off with our home on our back; our home where we are; our home where our heart is… Is the feeling sometimes that I want to be somewhere else than where I am, but I don’t know where it is I want to be.

This feeling arises every so often and is a confusing one… But, because there is no rhyme or reason to it, I recognise it as a holding on – an attempt to create some safety, some certainty, some knowing through an outer creation of my reality… And so I know to wait and let the confusion pass out of my body…

Which it always does.

Waiting for uncomfortable feelings to pass is a practise that can help hugely when life feels hard, overwhelming, too challenging, sad, uncomfortable… All the things that life can feel on occasions…!

Waiting and fully feeling – and then waiting and seeing, is far more effective in allowing an unfolding and an understanding and clarity to reveal itself, than when we try too hard to make some sort of meaning to what we are feeling…

The feelings that pull me from where I am to somewhere else, who knows where, always pass… I find the path then reveals itself and all is well…

This morning after my Spanish lesson with Maricarmen and breakfast in Costa Coffee, we went to collect our shiny red -this time – hire car and set off to drive to visit my friend Wendy for lunch…

I also enjoy having ever changing cars; I am now used to forgetting what our car looks like and used to having to find it by clicking the unlock button and searching about for which cars lights flash… ‘Ahhh, there it is, that’s our car…!’

Verdant, delightful England; so full and ripe and rich and green. We drove through the countryside to Hampshire… And, I was surprised to find the sat nav brought me to the place where I used to run as a teenager… I joined Haslemere Border Athletics Club when I was 15 years old…

It was all boys and me… I haven’t been there for 40 years, and today the car brought us right to the edge of the field where I ran barefoot all the summers long, in 1974 and 1975, before I put any shoes on…

Round and round a grassy track, feet bare, heart free, spirit bold…

My feet brought me back today to where it had all begun…

And then to Wendy who shared those days with me; lying barefoot on the grass picking the daisies, while I raced round and round and round…

Forty years later, we meet and our feet are bare again, our spirits free… Today we danced and ran and laughed together in the rain; feeling the warmth of the earth rising up through the soles of our feet… A very special and a very new experience, a magical feeling… Fun, freedom…  The earth’s energy moving up through the soles of our feet…. Through our bodies… Pure joy…

A meditation on the move…

Anadi and I walked off the plane into the wet grey of an English summer day in July…

The airport tarmac felt warm beneath my feet, and wet too of course… But fun, a bit like the joy of jumping in puddles, play time – stepping out into wild wet windy ness… And I noticed people looking, and looking again…

Can that be true… That she is wearing no shoes?

Only a few hours ago these feet were feeling the warmth of the red brick pathway beside the beach in Malaga, and now here; murky wet mistiness.

My feet are accepting; placing themselves firmly where they are, feeling what they feel beneath their soles and adjusting to the here and the now… The ‘ouchie’ heat of the pavement, so hot in Spain by 3pm, that I would cross the road to walk in the shade – is no more; the pavement now is slippy wet, glistening grey…

But my feet are where they are; I feel no resistance. They have a wisdom of their own.

Anadi went to the office in Gatwick, and I caught a train to Brighton… I stood on the forecourt, and for split second, the world span on its axis… ‘Where am I now?’ I felt a slight sense of disorientation… ‘Is this the right place; am I where I should be…?’

But then my feet spoke…’We are always here and now; there is no where else to be…’

A few minutes later Athena Jane appeared at the barrier, and laughing with joy to see one another, we went and found somewhere for coffee and cake – and catching up too…!

Later as we stood together on the platform, Jane exclaimed… ‘Ju, you’re shivering…’ I laughed, ‘I’ve just come from 32 degrees…’

But my feet don’t mind, and they help with the transition to now. I can feel the earth beneath my feet through their soles –  I can feel where they are and I follow their lead… To enjoy being here, now…

It is one of the most written about things, to be present… To give others the gift of our presence and yet it is often the hardest thing to remain without thought right here in the nucleus of each moment;

Nucleus definition : ( I looked it up!)

‘The central and most important part of an object, movement, or group, forming the basis for its activity and growth….’

The value of the centre point, the stillness, the point right in the centre of each moment reflected within the centre of the still point in the breath and within us… And the key is that from this still point, this nucleus is where the growth and activity emerge from…

And as I place each foot down on the earth beneath my feet I am aware of each step, I cannot not feel the soles of my feet, and so it is impossible for me not to be present to their message…

Meditation in each step… An ongoing practise of a meditation on the move.

running (sport), barefoot running, the truth about barefoot running, personal training, nomadic,

‘Occasionally stumble over the truth…’

Anadi and I ran together for a last run on our endless beach…

The playa with a timeless feel to it, so easy to cover the miles… Today we spotted six other barefoot runners, brown bodies, brown feet blending with the landscape; and as we ran we watched the beach get busier, the surfers starting to surf, children racing around, squealing with delight… More and more beach dwellers treading across the slats of the long wooden bridge like the march of the penguins…

Arriving as we left..

After breakfast we drove three hours to Malaga; and here we are.

I have been on an explore and I found the beach; landing on it feeling rather like an alien… Loving the atmosphere of this urban seaside town, sunny bright noisy, cars, people, tall palm trees reaching high into the sky; beside buildings, restaurants… A ferris wheel spinning slowly round; it’s chairs swinging in precarious joy beside a cruise ship…

So much life, living…

Everywhere we go, people; so many people and activity and movement, all around us living their lives…

As we live ours…

Each of our lives, unique, moving changing, whirling through lifetimes around and around we go on this merry go round of energy…

Standing on the beach amidst it all, it was like I was invisible… It felt like I had turned on the channel to ‘Malaga beach on Tuesday evening…’ and was watching it alone in my room… The play of life living itself out…

We dined later, in a bar on the pavement by the sea – it was 10pm and we reflected how again we have crept later and later into Spanish time; not going to sleep til 1pm; breakfast after running at 11ish, lunch at 4pm, dinner at 10pm…

Flowing with the ways of the land, the energy of the people.

We tried to go to bed a bit earlier as I had an early morning running plan, but it was still half past midnight when we turned out the lights…

Wednesday…

Despite the short night I felt good running along the red stone promenade as day dawned… The sun rising warmly over the hills of Malaga…

I am now completely at ease in my bare feet wherever I am; both in terms of the strength they have gained that makes running a joy; interestingly easier to run on the stone slabs again instead of the sand!

And I don’t mind at all when people look; not a bit…

How easy it is to adapt to new things… To stretch and after a while find something that felt uncomfortable before, has becomes the norm, easy… A part of our natural way of living…

I reflected of course that this works both ways; the yin to the yang… How  a habit of say drinking a bottle of whisky each day doesn’t usually happen in one fell swoop, or a packet or two of cigarettes didn’t start all at once… Or working too hard, at the expense of other aspects of life, like health, relationship, joy…

Or not talking about important things with a partner… When the initial promise in the glow of the romantic delightful first stages of love, was to share everything – even the difficult stuff… And then to find that when the difficult stuff arises, instead of sharing and working it out, there is a ‘hope’ it will go away by itself, then silence and squirming – for awhile – until it becomes normal… To not speak, to not share…

Instead what is normal is to eat and drink more than before, to work to excess, to hide from our truth… These things might have felt uncomfortable at first, but now are the norm…

It is the same process when stretching to grow, to become all that we can… To open to the new, the bright, brilliant and true.

It might be hard to say those words first to a loved one, that you fear won’t be well received, or to make a different choice in a restaurant; to stretch to the new…

Or in my case to walk out into the throng with my feet bare, only my sparkling blue jewels adorning them and to feel exposed, naked, seeing people looking, sometimes saying a few words to each other… Not liking the attention my bare feet drew…

But I am now used to it… Its easy and comfortable… My barefoot journey has taken its time, but step by step it’s leading me home…

Stretching to grow is about a deeper listening; below the influences of parents society culture what others might think… We can all tune deeply into our inner voice if we choose…

But even on hearing an inner truth, many choose not to listen, or choose not to act…. Fearing chaos, anarchy, disapproval rejection, wild freedom, loss, the unknown ahead…. So instead they reject it – and themselves in the process – preferring to live without their own truth…

As Winston Churchill said… ‘Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened…’

 

 

Long run on largo playa…

I ran and ran and ran on the endless beach, padding along in my bare feet… Anadi by my side for nine miles; it was easy to run along and keep running, each step the sandy same…

Another ‘longest ever’ run for me barefoot – just over thirteen miles… It is becoming easier and easier to run further and further, especially as now I feel no pain in my body… None of the hip or knee pain; frequent visitors in the past…

My feet were tired by the end, but I am still in transition… My feet will guide me.

I would like to emphasise that barefoot running isn’t necessarily a magic ‘cure’ for all ills…

I tried to ‘go barefoot’ a number of times before this last year… This time I have transitioned without the ankle, achilles and calf injuries I sustained then.

I rushed the process before; I was still unravelling that pattern within me… It took a long time; a lifetime of running, but eventually I have let that part of me go…

That part ‘of me’ which of course was not me, but an aspect of my ‘created self’… An aspect I held onto often unconsciously, because I clearly saw it was a chimera to try to ‘make me’ –  ‘get to’ – where I ‘wanted’ to go…

Trying to ‘make’ things happen, mistakenly thinking there is somewhere to ‘get to’, and ‘wanting’ this mythical prize, are all energies that do not serve us, they can keep us trapped in an endless disappointing cycle…

When we let them all go, and instead stay in each moment; focus on the step in front of us; listen to our inner guidance moment by moment… Then instead we can look up and see our future unfolding and our past melting away…

Being barefoot connects us to the earth… Feeling the grass, the earth, the sand, the pebbles on the beach beneath our soles cannot be anything but beneficial… We feel the earth’s energy and the earth feels ours… And so it can be a place of healing, clearing, of being fully and wholly in the step; in this very moment…

More and more we can feel and experience that there isn’t anything else but now…

And walking barefoot too, allows the mind to still, slows the pace down; ensures we take care of each step, watch where we place our feet, feel the ground, the imprint on the earth…

Over time the muscles in the feet start to strengthen with use – and exercises can help too – as we open to a new practice…

And as the feet strengthen they may want to run and dance and jump for joy; the lightness of spirit expressed through greater lightness in the body…

So, my observation isn’t so much that barefoot running cured my injuries…

It was more that through my main focus being one of inner work, inner clearing, letting go of all that is heavy and outdated within… Lead me to ‘go back to the beginning’ and to take my time, most importantly letting go of my ‘self’…

When we let go of parts of our created self, there is of course much more space… Limitlessness… And in this space for me, there has been an unfolding that has shown up in my feet…

As they have trodden this new path, there has occurred a strengthening of muscles in my left foot and in the top of my hamstring and into my glut…

The inner process made manifest in my physical expression…

And so I am enjoying feeling the earth beneath my feet and my running steps are extending steps, light steps that are leading me home…

Treading lightly, leaving no trace…

 

There is no such thing as a coincidence…

I returned from my intervals on the beach yesterday morning  and Anadi and I wandered through the pueblo to sit and enjoy our customary Spanish breakfast of tostados y aceite y tomate y cafe con leche…

We decided over breakfast to go on an ‘outing’ to explore Medina Sedonia…

When I first started to learn Spanish Maricarmen told me where she was born… Part of the conversational style of her teaching involves questions and answers, and in the early days they were about our lives… Where do you live? Where were you born? How old are you? What is your name? Are you married? Do you have children…?

And so during this process I gathered that Maricarmen was born in Medina Sedonia, and that it was a long way away from Pitres; I gave the matter no more attention…

And yet the swirls of energy and the magnetic processes that are occurring between us all, mean that our lives unfold in mysterious and magical ways…

And as Maricarmen said to me when I told her of my visit to the land of her birth… ‘There is no such thing as a coincidence…’

The more conscious we are, the more we can watch and notice these fascinating scenes playing out in our lives… We can be witness to it, as we live it, breathe it, enjoy it, play it to the full; whilst staying in the centre, the still point within, and so be the observer too…

This way can then consciously flow with the unfolding, delight in its symmetry and beauty… Or consciously work through a pattern, if the magnetic process is whirling us through a familiar cycle we would prefer to move on from…

In the case of finding myself drawn – by the promise of running on a long beach – to be staying near the birth place of Maricarmen, I felt it warranted a visit… To tread on the streets and the grey slate stones she played on as a child… To feel the energy of the beautiful town; to climb up a flight of steps with an orange tree planted almost at the top, and then continue higher, much higher up a steep winding path to the castle (which was closed 🙂

To then wander inside the crumbling walls of the old Medina high above the town, and eat on a terrace looking out over a limitless vista of breath taking views… To enjoy the ambience and beauty of this place, steeped in the energy of many lifetimes, and to wonder if I too may have stopped here awhile in a former life.

Maricarmen believes I have been Spanish in another life… I am encouraged by this… I must therefore – I figure – be able to remember how to speak my own language!

We drove ‘home’ speeding along the empty roads, with acres of dusty brown green beauty, etched in with fields of drying sunflowers, stretching as far as the eye could see… I gazed and wondered at the wind turbines, majestic, tall, slender beauty…

Engineering genius standing in harmony with the natural land… Modern man and nature collaborating to generate energy…

When we act with the spirit of co-operation and collaboration, possibilities and dreams can become manifest in limitless ways… The more we work to balance within ourselves and to cease any inner wars, then we see there is no ‘competition’. There is only the possibility of something much greater when we recognise our own skills… But also where we need the skills and energy of others… When we join together to make something more than before, then we see the wonderful possibility for creation within the spaces between us all…

Where ideas, talents, skills, art and creativity all blend and mix to make something new that couldn’t have happened before…

 

…It’s much more serious than that…

A barefoot runner ran by as I arrived on the beach this morning!

It was as if I were seeing another of my ‘species’, and even more exciting – I was ‘vlogging’ at the time – and so I caught him on camera…

I had run to the beach with the intention of some fast intervals at pace… Intervals are a strange thing to do, and to witness I imagine; running back and forth on the same stretch of beach or grass…

Like so many things we do in this life, like running round and round in circles, or chasing a ball about with a stick, or with our feet… Batting another type of ball as far as possible with various ‘implements’  –  or hitting another back and forth over a net, or around a square enclosed room…

All are rather funny things to do, and if witnessed from afar ‘curiouser and curiouser…’

I don’t believe it is the practices themselves that are important… In isolation so many creative endeavours could seem meaningless.

It is however about what they give us, what they access within us… It is about what we are communicating to one another, to ourselves… What energy doing the practises accesses and transmits… It’s about observing the buds that appear through striving and stretching for a dream; seeing how these buds open and blossom within ourselves and in our relationships… Growth, expansion, the powerful energy of the esprit de corp, the synergy that is created…. Witnessing what demons and delights emerge from within…

All in the name of sport…

Bill Shankley the Scottish football player and manager is known for saying… ‘Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it’s much more serious than that’.

As a lifetime sportsperson, his words have always resonated with me… Partaking in sport has been a journey from the beginning of my life which is continuing without end.

While we are here experiencing life in a body on planet earth, everything is more important than life and death… Because how we live is how we die…

It is therefore valuable to truly investigate every moment of our practices and passions, for within them are reflections, and echoes of how we are living and therefore how we will die.

Are we growing though the experiences? The training? the hours of planning? Are we stripping away our attachment to our desires, or are we deepening the ties that bind us to our perceived self – and so to the fear of leaving it all behind.

If we can truly investigate everything within the commitment to a plan, to a goal – a dream – examine every nook every cranny, all the dark corner and dust them out…

Then we can more cleanly and clearly commit ourselves to our projects… And – once they are done let them go and keep hold only of the truth we have uncovered and discovered within…

As I was carrying out effort number six today, a dog decided I was playing… He started to race round and round me, rounding me up! I stopped, he stopped… I started to run and he started to race around me again, penning me in…

His master was standing in the surf intent on his phone, unaware of this scene playing out behind him, so I jogged over and said to him… ‘El piensa que estoy juganda…’ 🙂

He smiled said he was sorry – in English – and took his dog away…

I completed my interval and recognised I am different to the younger me, because I ‘counted’ my stop/ start interval as a valid member of the set of ten; with not one part of me feeling I needed to add another in…

It is at these time that we witness the changes within us… Something that has happened before, happens again – in this case one interrupted interval :)… And we respond in a different way…

It is noticing how we are in every moment, in the seemingly small insignificant occurrences that we see ourselves and all that is within us reflected back in the journey of life…

Investigating our alter ego can set us free…

The night was alive with music and people and shops still selling… Restaurants full of groups laughing and talking; tapas selling in the street and cocktail bars … The delightful energy of human beings being human, doing what we spend a lot of time doing… eating drinking talking, sharing, time food, fun, laughter…

For awhile in this environment I get a wild urge to simply drink cocktails for ever; to sip their blue green rose coloured beauty and feel the lightness in the head lift me above everything; live in this state forever…

Cafe con leche for breakfast, moving onto cocktails thereafter…

It seems my alter ego is still alive and well; she who lives a life in the midnight hours, who drinks and writes and smokes all night long… Who has many lovers, female and male, and enjoys the exploration and adventure of discovering herself this way…

I enjoy investigating the desires of my alter ego, as they must be listened to… For if they lie in the shadows they can fester – shrivel and destroy us…

All that we keep hidden away, can hurt us and torment us. It is in investigating what lies in the darkness that we find healing, health and wholeness; by avoiding it and seeking only to stay where we feel safe; in the light of day where we hide from the dark, we are more likely to feel more suffocated and fearful and restless; trapped, confused and bored, than if we explore everything… Turn to what we can’t see, from that which we flee – and in facing it, find we are free…

For in the shadows is our princess and our king, our golden gifts and dreams, as well as the dim and murky waters of our pain… And all of it is for our growth… The tension and anger, the hate and the jealousy; the spirit of freedom, the race to the top, the success, the joy, the sadness, the athlete, the whore… Bring them all out, meet them on the floor in front of you, and feel the liberation as you find that the truth of you isn’t going to destroy you; in fact it will set you free…

For in every single aspect within us, there is the light and the dark. In every quality there are two sides to the sword… And when we dare look, we will discover how to embrace our shadow, include the aspects we most fear… Integrate them within us so that we find our wholeness, and delight in who we truly are…

The lively night turned into another glorious morning running on the beach; empty save for the early morning crowd… Of which I am often one… My alter ego doesn’t pull me to the place of lost form, lost running steps; she accesses the feelings of freedom, joy, electric possibility that the night time ‘alter’ represents… Free to explore, the morning barefoot running girl, enjoys freedom and electricity in the feel of the firm sand, under her feet… Washed by the recent swirl and swell of water…

She is able to experience the freedom, the exhilaration… Her own ‘Bohemian rhapsody’ on an endless sandy beach with not many other souls about