Back to the very beginning

I understood from the very beginning that we are born of consciousness,  children of god, of the universe… I was brought up with this concept – and I was brought up with the idea of the big bang – from whence this paradigm, this universe emerged.

I also grew up with the gospels… ‘And the word was god and the word was with god and the word was god…’ and I recognised at very young age, in fact I came in with the concept, that ‘the word’ was everything that is this paradigm, and that we were all the word, which was love – the word was with god/love – the word was consciousness…

That we were all expressions of consciousness, and on that day when ‘the big bang’ happened, then consciousness was able to experience itself in every single respect… From the darkest dark; the most horrible, horrible to the lightest light –the most beautiful beautiful… And every single aspect in the spectrum – all aspects… Because this paradigm of yin and yang has to be in perfect balance – and so there will always be equal measures of dark to light…

And lifetimes and lifetimes of experiencing being in a human body has meant we can experience this paradigm, with the illusion of separation. By being in a body and being in effect separate, has meant that during the human journey we are able to experience our energy – and when we start to remember and see again, from whence we are born, when we start to be aware and more conscious – the journey to clearing our energy begins…

We can start to ‘work it out’, rather than ‘live it out’… We can start see things within us, in reflection of other people – and we can make choices and elect how we live and eventually free ourselves from the samsara…

Free ourselves from the chains of the body and so be free…

I remember understanding this when I was eight years old. I was sitting in church listening to the vicar… He was giving us a sermon about the serpent with tail in its mouth… That this was the journey the soul needed to go through – to go into and clear all the darkness, to be able to free up from the lower energies – the levels of envy, greed, anger, guilt, hate, everything in the lower chakras associated with fear and survival – in the darkness of the shadows – and also of course in the shadows can lurk feelings of judgement, pride and superiority – ‘I’m better than you’ – all of those need clearing too.

So – I understood that we must go through into the shadow – into the darkness; to clear everything, to enable us to return to the place of silence and peace… And that the serpent with tail in its mouth is completing the whole circle to wholeness…

I understood this when I was 8 years old – so for most of my life – the sermon was fifty one years ago – has been journeying with a commitment to experiencing fully and so of clearing – and with an understanding of the consciousness from which we were born, and of life everlasting…

I deeply understood that I was responsible for my reactivity to situations and to whatever I encountered in relationship. and in knowing this, when I was fourteen I can remember recognising very acutely that if I was horrible to somebody it was worse than other people – because I had greater understanding and therefore it was ‘not okay’, because I had an awareness and I already knew how to clear reactivity, rather than act out of it…

This doesn’t mean I always succeeded!

As a little girl I was also a runner… I had set out on the journey of my life with an awareness of it being a spiritual path when I was very little, and I also had a big awareness of death right from the early years – and my mother – who along with my little sister Rosy, I’m sorry to say I was horrible to from time to time – died when I was 16 and ironically my path was open. In some ways she freed me… But it wasn’t what I wanted one bit at the time – on the human journey. I felt that my mother understood me completely and I felt completely safe with her – and now I was set loose to reclaim that within myself…

I knew that it was a finite time in the body… But I also came into this life as a Christian and I internalised from these teaching as that there was life everlasting, so this journey in this body wasn’t the end or even the beginning…

I felt it was a training ground…

And I was also barefoot… I have memories of just racing around the lawn in my childhood home, with much greater freedom than I was later to experience. This was before I took up the burdens in my life which were energies from lives past that I had brought in to work out….

An opportunity to do the work in the school of life here on planet earth.

I have a this memory of my bare feet hitting the grass running, running, running, because I came in to run… I came in to run, I came in to run… And I say that all those twice because I can’t exactly explain why – because I don’t think there is a ‘why’…

I just came here to run.

It is my art and the art of running is my expression… It is my element and it is how I paint a picture… I have just always loved to run…

Teaching people and working with people has arisen from me working out how to free the chains that bound me up, and prevented my running from being the purest expression of art… Instead of that, it was often coming from tension, coming from pain – coming from some other place than its purest source….For of course when running comes from source, then like anything, what a joy and what an expression for others to see…

And I see that now – in truth, I have always seen it at some level; that for the whole of my life, my running has inspired people, my running has given people joy – given them something – given them permission to do what they truly want; what matters to them!

And so now I have reached the place I have always known… That I was born to run and that the most important thing is to have no fear. We must not fear what we are born to do!

And now having run across Spain in my bare feet where it became even more obvious that all I must do is run… I am very glad that I am still on planet earth to experience my life of running. I am glad to have journeyed and returned to where I began… I have come full circle

I am experiencing the journey of the serpent with the tail in its mouth and the words of T S Eliot are very resonant for me….

‘We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time’.

As a little girl racing around on the beach in Africa, and then racing around on the grass in my childhood home – racing around on the playing fields in our village; asking my father to time me running, running, running free as a bird, free – loving it… Trying my best go faster… Fearless, just running and seeing what I could do… Not saving myself, or holding back in any way…

Freedom in motion.

So here I am at fifty nine years old, having journeyed all this time to return to the place I knew, but to follow and know it, consciously.

The reason I’m telling you about these beginnings, these barefoot beginnings, when I raced around on the grass, and the reason I’ve called this book ‘Barefoot to Buddha’, is because this route to my own freedom has in part been through the running step. I’ve always known this, but sometimes denied it because I thought I should be doing something a bit more sensible than going running…!

When I was a teenager, I joined an athletics club and on the first day, I did track session on the grass. I went up with my friend Wendy because it was an all boys athletics club and I felt a bit shy and so she came with me and lay on the grass watching us all run…

I have a vivid memory of running around on this grass track absolutely in my element in my bare feet….

Every time I wrote something about my running in my channeled writing, I was encouraged by my guides to keep running.

Every time I asked the question…

‘What should I be doing’? I was always told… ‘Do what you were born to do, you were born to run, and in the run, you will become more free, more you, and in the run you will become in the step – you will become the run… And in becoming the run you will free others too, because they will see your light and your light will guide them to their own freedom’.

And so I knew this and yet there was something in me that held me back, some sort of guilt, some obligation, some feeling off needing to ‘earn’ my place on planet earth, some feeling that I was wrong, ‘a bad girl’… And that I therefore had to ‘do good’ to earn my place.

Of course, the irony of this was that it held me back from my true running expression, and then there came more confusion in the running step rather than joy.

But I knew my path deep down, and so I never ever really left it. I never stopped ‘working it out’, and I don’t mean in my mind, I mean through continual experience

I would run free, then repeat a cycle of ‘self destruction’ and so lose my way again in a mire of illness and injury…. From which I would emerge wiser, stronger, greater understanding…

I would write some channeled words again, and these words always reminded me…

‘You were born to run, get back on the running path. That path takes you where it will and you will be free. What you have come to do is run, everything else will come from that place… Remember this for the people who seek you to teach them, that the first place for you to teach from, is to be learning how to run free yourself… To free yourself from anything that holds you back from your true expression…’

And so I always journeyed onwards…

This is why in the very beginning the steps towards the Buddha were barefoot steps…

As the years went by, I raced in shoes – albeit light ones… But then one day, I read the book ‘Born to run’ by Chris McDougall and it spoke to me…

And I wanted to run barefoot again… But because there was a tangle still within me left to unravel, I went too fast too soon and my legs got hurt – my feet and my ankles were not strong enough for the pace I went, and I withdrew again for awhile from the barefoot path… There was still ‘working out’ to be done…

But by the summer of 2017 my feet were bare and my soul was more free than ever before…

The journey from Suances to Almuñécar was calling me and I was calling others to join me. Each week I was spoke, broadcasting the journey, and others became excited… They booked up flights to come to Spain to run some of the route with me. The media became interested too, newspapers, radio and television…. A woman running across Spain in her bare feet capturing the imagination of many.

I knew it was a pilgrimage…

All the time I spoke with people, and they would ask me why? And I would reply; ‘I don’t know, it was my feet’s idea. My feet made the decision and I must follow them…

I was following my feet, my bare feet… I was following my running feet because they had always known the way if I’d let him show me.

At last I was following them and seeing where they would take me.