Being alone…

I am having another day of solitude, I have them day after day now…

It is like a whole new chapter of a book…. Or a new part of some sort of trilogy, or a new scene in a great long never ending book… Our lives; a never ending book, split up into pages and chapters and whole new sections…

The journey in this life from birth to death…

We are all writing the story of our life as we go along, and it is recognising this, that we are writing it that is the key to creating the book of truth.

Our truth…!

Solitude is a very natural state for me; as a little girl I had a secret place under a tree at the top of the garden, all mossy under foot and hidden away from everyone else. I would sit there for hours looking out through the leaves of the tree that swept down like a curtain over my special hide away….

As the years went by I always found space for solitude, I used to feel it necessary for my very essence and survival, to have time to be, alone…

Nearly five years ago now, Anadi interviewed me about running as a meditation… I travelled to London to meet him and spoke to him about the place for meditation in my life… How I saw that meditation practise in the form of running alone, sitting alone, being alone with my breath was easy for me… I lived alone and I had created a lifestyle that supported this need for silence…

As I spoke these words, little did I know that for the next four years I was to hardly ever be alone…!

I was going to include the interview here… But Anadi has discovered that when his Mac died two weeks ago, with it he lost lots of files there wasn’t the space to back up… Our interview has gone with the lost files…

But it is the past; it doesn’t exist; it never existed…!

There is no past and future only this moment now and in this moment we can heal and transform and create both the non existent past and future!

The paradox of life is fun; an eternal zen koan, something that can only be understood by our spirit and intuition, it is not something our mind can puzzle out! And the more we know this, the easier it is to let go and be free…

Having run alone today, and now sitting, writing alone with myself, I recognise that the time of constant movement and engagement of the past four years was all part of the solitude, and a chapter in my own life book, which demonstrated to me that I didn’t need to be alone to experience silence and solitude…

I found a stillness and a joy within all that unfolded, all the souls I was engaged with, such a richness of connection, a deepening of my own inner silence within the interactions… Until suddenly it has all stopped and I see even more keenly that the whole practice of meditation is to find this silence within ourselves, to trust that the external experiences are all created by our inner state, and so to be committed to be with each and every moment and acknowledge the opportunity for insight there…

To be able to be fully in the world and truly in relationship with one another, we all need to investigate being fully alone. We are born alone and we die alone and it is in fully embracing our aloneness that we will discover our wholeness and recognise that there is no ‘other’…

The joy of this worldly illusion is in relationship, and of course the pain… The illusion of something other than us.
Once we really start to investigate the possibility that the other doesn’t exist, then we can start to look inward and transform the world through our own aloneness…

As Gandhi said… ‘You must be the change you want to see in the world…’

This isn’t an outer process, this is an inner process, in and in and in… from this place of investigation there is no need to ‘be kind’ to others or ‘think of others’… Once we are engaged with transformation from the inside out all we will transmit is love, it can be no other way….

 

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