In the beginning…

Caminante, no hay camino; Se hace el camino al andar.

The soles of my feet are bare and within these pages I will bare my soul  … I am going to endeavour to write this as if I have no readers; as my unfolding steps reveal my path, my writing will record it, a memoir as to where they lead me.

Three days ago I was running in the mountains alone for four hours when it arose within me that I would start to write again; I stopped two months ago; my blog ended its run abruptly – from one day to the next… On finding my days in England full of Christmas commitments, I let go of the daily discipline… And I haven’t written since.

But as I ran silently and alone in the Alpujarra mountains, the urge to write rose again… But this time, without any intention of sharing; no social media tweets, or linkedin or facebook announcements that I had once again written something down…

My idea at first was to go right back to the very beginning, when each night I wrote in longhand in a journal… I started this practise at just twelve years old and I wrote each day, until at twenty one, I reflected on the entries of my late teenage years and now just starting out on a new decade – I decided that the daily inscriptions were too full of sadness and darkness… Too full of the unresolved pain; too full of despair that I would every emerge from the confusion of my turmoil.

My writings communicated the fear that my only release from my tortured mind, would be to die; perhaps then I would find peace – but no sooner had I thought this thought, than I was immediately tormented further with the absolute knowing that the body dead was of no gain…

For I knew that the agony would remain unresolved, and there would still be the need to investigate and find a way to release myself from the tight stranglehold of the deep existential misery, that I was experiencing…

And so I stopped keeping my journal – the entries too ‘oscuro’ and sad to continue with…  I threw away the big pile of books, charting my thoughts and feelings, my daily routines over nine long adolescent years.

And as I ran in the mountains this week, I thought to simply go back to the very beginning, to write longhand again in a journal each night…

But then I moved from that thought to one of typing my stream of consciousness onto a document and gathering the pieces of work together in a virtual folder…

And then I had this idea…

To record my writing here on my Soles Journey; but to not make the process a public one. To trust that if anyone finds my entries and enjoys reading, they will simply be a reflection of my own souls journey…

Three thousand realms…

My perfect morning…

We woke to blue skies and sunny warm; a complete change to yesterday… And at the top of a vista looking over to Ramla Bay, a glorious rainbow arced over us with magic in its beauteous curve.

And after running around my 10k loop feeling relaxed and strong and chatting away to one another, I came up with the best plan ever.

‘Let’s go to captain Spriss for breakfast’, and so soon we were sitting in the lovely blue haven, enjoying the best Cappuccinos and I was aware that again and again and again, I come back to the inner truth for me, that I came here to run; to find out what is revealed in the steps , to make the path by running it and everything else springs from this.

It feels so intrinsic to me, and it has always been thus, despite debilitating injury and times where it all felt too hard… Again and again the running path calls me back like a musical instrument, my feet and body ask that I must always play to discover the song therein….

And then sing it to the world.

I was so inspired by the thought of the barefoot half marathon in India yesterday, that I suddenly as if it were a new dawning rose in my soul; a deep knowing about what I want to do with me life…

The direction revealing itself…

I announced it to Anadi over dinner; I want to run all around the world, and across Spain, and maybe I will run across other lands too… But I can feel how deeply these feet of mine and the running steps know where they are leading me and then any writing, teaching, talking, sharing myself – whatever I do will spring from these steps I take.

Anadi was unsurprised, because in truth its what I have always done! I have always run, and I have always seen what these steps of my reveal, there is no change and yet it feels brand new.

Like a re birth…

Setting off again and again… Because there is no past and so it is all new… In each moment I am being re born, so although the journey might look the same in many ways – it is also entirely new… The energy is new and the lands I visit will be new even if they are the same.

Because we are creating it as we go, and so the very same experience with different energy will reveal new things, create new life, bring new love to our heart and communicate more light in the world.

Because when we keep clearing the imagined past, and the blocks to our energy therein then every moment opens to the infinite possibility of the infinite!

The Buddha teaches that there are three thousand possibilities in every moment, which means that when we embrace this idea we can draw on our courage and resilience and open to expansion in our lives… This is the core belief of Nichiren Buddhism, and they practise accessing this space, this moment to open themselves and others to this expansion, this infinite possibility

Many people feel very stuck and afraid and often cling to what they know; but the Buddhist scholar T’ien-t’ai developed a meditative practice to enable people to perceive the boundless extent of their lives at each moment. He called it “three thousand realms in a single moment of life”  Ichinen sanzen.

It is the practise of always remembering that the entire universe as we see it exists in a single moment; the Nichiren Buddhist practice of chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo whilst holding the true Buddha nature the heart is said to actualize the principles of the Ichinen sanzen in the lives of those who practise.

I love the chant… But I don’t always do it every day; but I do enjoy the resonance of the energy that connects me to the expansion and possibility in every moment and to the innate Buddha nature within us all…