In celebration of love, life and enduring friendship…

I love our ‘Larder’ London experiences, when we land in Winchmore hill we take up residency in the ‘The Larder’… Coffee shop life is the life for me, especially after 11 miles of running on a cold December morning!

We turned up on Michael’s doorstep in the first week he opened, two and a half years ago, and when we are here I feel that I don’t want to ever leave…

But I recognise this as an essential part of my energy, in that it is at home wherever it is… When I am there, I don’t want to be here, and when I am here I don’t want to be there.

And the person I am with is the person I want to be with more than anyone in the world; I start to miss them the moment we part… But then time does its magic thing, and expands and stretches and I live other lives with other people… Until our own unique orbit comes around again – and then it becomes evident that there is no separation, no gaps; that the connection, the love the dialogue is ongoing and endless.

And all of this occurs by opening up the space within us, that is silent and endless and limitless and true love itself… For true love embraces all and everything – and there is no limit to its capacity.

And this experience can only be found through an inner journey, which often looks like an outer one, as we delve in and in and in, through our experiences and relationships here on planet earth. It is necessary to live this life to discover our source, from where we have all come.

But of course it is not for us to rush ourselves or others. There can be no rush in an opening or a blossoming; or a remembering or a reclaiming. We must live and experience and work it all out, not through the mind for this is not possible… We work things out by first living them out, and after awhile, maybe many, many, many lives we start to see patterns and possibilities of transformation – and then we start to work it out, as we remember who we truly are.

Last night I had a wonderful evening with my friend Debbie… We met 25 years ago and after a few years, we used to say that we would treat ourselves to dinner at the OXO tower when we had ‘made it’ … We didn’t particularly identify what ‘making it’ was…

Debs was an aspiring young business woman – she is very courageous, innovative and determined – one of her business ideas was on Dragon’s Den! And she is now unequivocally a successful business woman… So that felt reason enough… We rejoiced too in our friendship of 25 years – and celebrated that after quite some ‘research’ and ‘investigation’, done with the hope that we would discover how to be in relationship with a man, where we were happy and didn’t want to leave…

That here we are… Enjoying that experience…

And so we decided now was the time… !

What fun we had… Delicious dinner in the OXO tower and then walking along the Southbank, me in my bare feet with sparkly jewels on, the walk way full of people and energy; through Borough market – and then up to floor 52 at the top of the Shard to drink cocktails… Celebrating love and life and enduring friendship… In allegedly one of the most prestigious cocktail bars in London

We left as a Lamborghini and a red Ferrari drew up – people living out and working out lifetimes on planet earth in all sorts of fascinating and varied ways .

Run and become free…

Last night I dreamt lots of vivid dreams… I really enjoyed it, it felt a very interesting night time journey indeed.

I woke not remembering anything, other than that I had committed in my sleep to do more running, and therefore was henceforth not going to do anything much more than run.

My meditation on the move.

The thought of spending more time running is very agreeable… The more I run the more I become.

As Anadi and I ran along today, I mentioned that sometimes running feels rather hard, but that I recognise that setting running goals is very good for my path of spiritual clearing, and transcendence.

I also recognise that running barefoot is a process that is taking me further into myself… Or rather is helping me to let go of my self.

Anadi and I drove to Rincón de la Victoria to run today. It is the town where we stopped for lunch with Athena Jane on Wednesday. I was attracted back by the long beach and a vista that seemed to go on forever.

We ran 10 miles with ease and it felt to be a place I will return to… Soon I anticipate that my feet and my body will extend beyond the 10 and occasional 12 and 13 mile runs that I am doing frequently. I have only completed two 15 mile runs barefoot so far, but I can see the value of extending the distance now.

I can also feel how over many many years the clearing within me, is allowing me to simply run and become.

It is all I have ever really wanted to do, live a contemplative life, and run a lot!

Of course I have always ‘gone running’, but my bare feet seem to have ideas all of their own and have requested too that we run from the north to the south coast of Spain together next year…

Who knows what lies beyond that?

But I do see more and more that while I am journeying in physical form, enjoying the human journey; my spirit finds that the running road is a place of freedom, a place to let go…

A place where the madness and chaos of the matrix is stilled…

As the run progresses the body disappears and there arises the opportunity to recognise the samsara, the illusion that we exist in, and to know that we are so much more than anything we might ‘think’ we are…

The more I run, the more I become free… Ironically from any definition of myself; especially that of being a runner!

And yet I love to run, and so I will follow my dream… My night time dream of running as a way of life – and my waking dream of running to become free, and more me… Recognising that the transcendence that is occurring is opening me to an awareness that the me I defined myself by is vanishing…

We are all free already…

We are love, we are awareness; we are all born of consciousness and it isn’t through thinking ‘who are we..?’ that we discover we are so much more than we ‘thought’… It is simply through enquiring…

‘Who am I…’

 

The reflection of love…

Saturday…

We are in Valencia, it has a lovely feel, wide streets and bright blue skies… We arrived and had our second breakfast in a traditional Spanish bar…

Our first was easy jet porridge at early o clock, and then tostados con aceite y tomate at civilised Spanish breakfast o clock…

I love the feel of Spain and I love the feel of a Saturday stretching ahead without a plan. When I have written this, Anadi and I will go and wander the streets and eat some more I expect.

Do what we humans do, wander about interspersed with eating and sleeping!

What a funny journey this is, lots of physical functions and needs to take care of, as we learn that we are not the body that we are in.

But through looking after it, we can hear our spirit speak more clearly, not silenced through tension and pain.

The irony is that we often need the pain to awaken us to our truth; and yet it can also hide us from the very thing we are seeking – ease and peace within – and then instead of listening to its messages, instead we project our dis ease onto the situations, the politics, the awful evil in the world we see around us… Or other people; we project our pain onto our friends, our loved ones, rather than clear it from within…

Or we distract from it with massive activity, lots of ‘things to do’ and people to see – of course we can also stay still within ‘doing’ and ‘being’ with others – but it can also provide a space to run away from ourselves, to create noise so that we never hear our heart call to us, hear it direct us, or give us its intelligent words.

Or we damp down the pain with drugs, alcohol, food… We dull it and dim it and create enough comfort to ‘get through…’

But if we stop, and listen, listen to the messages in our body… We will find that it holds all the wisdom and the more we listen, the more we will find the silence within us, the space where the pain is hiding.

It is only through truly facing our own pain, that we will stop projecting it outwards. And when we stop doing that we can start to notice and experience more fully love, acts of kindness, joy, life possibility, growth expansion…

Because as we clear our own pain, we stop finding that all we see is pain and evil and loss out in the world, and we see instead the reflection of clarity peace and love.

 

 

Here is the vlog Ange and I made when we met for coffee in Lewes on Friday

The Uncertainty principle

Anadi hasn’t really slept for about thirty six hours, but he is looking very good on it… He does, he says, feel a bit spaced out, and is therefore saving having any alcohol until it doesn’t matter if he falls down…!

The circle was completed at about 9am this morning… We had said goodbye to one another 3 weeks and 2 days ago on almost exactly the same spot that we were re united… It was as if we had never been apart.

We both agreed that we were totally delighted to be together, how very much we had been looking forward to seeing one another; but that we hadn’t missed one another.

I like not being missed, and I like not missing… I feel free to live my own life fully…

Being missed, like being worried about can be a big burden… And similarly the other way round, missing someone or worrying about them, is wasted energy which goes into a black hole and limits us living fully and being present to each moment.

Having empathy or understanding, appreciating, loving one another and maintaining connection – planning to see each other is very different. Honouring and keeping the space safe, trusting the orbits of our physical connection, is very different to projecting our own needs or expectations onto another… ‘Wanting’ them to be with us to fill a gap within us, or worrying about them without examining what this might be to do with us, can limit the possibility in the relating… Whereas recognising that the other is free opens us up to the limitless qualities of true love…

The paradox is that truly being there for someone can be about simply letting them go… So that they might live the thing out that ‘worries us’, or that they might go away and be free to discover their own life, without any burden of being ‘pulled back’ or missed…

Of course like all things human, this can be a very long process, to fully be able to connect with ourselves in a way that we are so full up, that we can truly let others go… But it is worth exploring, playing with the energy of trusting that we are never separate anyway, not truly – because we are all one.

We live this life in the illusion of being apart, because this is the human experience… But then so too is the experience of being delighted to be in their presence again…

I always dreamed of the freedom I experience in my relationship with Anadi… I am living my dream.

My time in the mountains was very important to me, and I could not have had the experience I had – and the inner shifts – if I had not been alone. It was like my soul knew this and it was already written… And Anadi loved his time away. He loved the buzz of the meetings, the progress with his company, the twice daily presentations to the top sports clubs and private schools in South Africa – the travel, the social time with Dwight, his colleague… The whole experience – which he foresees repeating all over the world…

And today we went to brunch at Bronte restaurant… It was such a delight. Being in Anadi’s company again was wonderful, the food was delicious and our waiter Miguel was Spanish!

We then went to the theatre to see ‘Heisenberg: The uncertainty principle’…

Heisenberg and his uncertainty principle said that if you precisely measure the position of something, then you cannot precisely measure its movement… This idea serves as a metaphor for the uncertainty and unpredictability of human behaviour; and the play followed an unlikely, but fascinating dialogue and growing relationship between the two who were on stage for the entire show…

A fabulous day, and the play distilled for me the importance of simply being present… Because even if we watch something closely and ‘know exactly where it is’ this doesn’t mean we know where it is going…

How much more relaxing to simply be in the here and now, and accept whatever happens next….

 

A time for every purpose under heaven

I am once again in a hotel room in Almuñecar, lying on my bed writing my blog…

My friend of many years – most of my life – Wends is lying on a bed opposite me reading. We are both of course without shoes… And I am strongly reminded of us as teenagers in the holidays… hours spent lying about in each others bedrooms, reading Jackie magazine which then ‘progressed’ to Cosmopolitan / ‘Cosmo’!

don’t remember putting shoes on very often, and in the very hot summers of 75 and 76 we were often lying by the river, not only without shoes, but without any clothes at all…

Long hot sunny summer days… We would cycle to the river, hide our bikes under the hedge and then carrying a blanket, food supplies and a pile of books, and then set up ‘camp for the day’ and lie about reading on the grass instead of our beds… Occasionally taking a dip in the river  with the fish and the reeds.

I spoke in a vlog recently of the powerful negative charge from the earth which when we are barefooted, means that we can receive and benefit from the electrons which produce antioxidants for our body. This, of course can contribute to good health on emotional and physical levels…

Wends and I clearly knew this as young people, intuitively… Many of us do; feeling the ground beneath our feet, the sun and the rain on our bodies can keep us very much here in this moment; in tune with the natural rhythms of nature… If we are in step with the rising and setting of the sun, if we cycle naturally with the seasons, then we are like the flowers that bloom when they are ready…

We no longer hold back trying to stay in the chrysalis or the bud,which of course is an impossible task – but instead we can open in the natural time in a way that is more fluid and flowing without push or pull back…

To everything there is a season and this is true of our own opening, our own remembering of who we are, from whence we came.

We cannot rush this process. Things of the spirit happen in their own time and if we try to take short cuts or try to be somewhere we are not, or push another to open – or to see something before they are ready – then it simply doesn’t work.

It cannot be any other way… ‘

To everything there is a season

A time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born
and a time to die
A time to plant
and a time to pluck what is planted

A time to kill
and a time to heal
A time to break down
and a time to build up

A time to cast away stones
and a time to gather stones
A time to embrace
and a time to refrain from embracing

A time to gain
and a time to lose
A time to keep
and a time to cast away

A time to tear
and a time to sew
A time to keep silence
and a time to speak

A time of love
and a time of hate
A time of war
and a time of peace

by Ivy Schex

I have quoted this poem before – but in essence it simply reminds us that we live in a universe of polarity… That while we are journeying and experiencing ourselves through the illusion of separateness as human beings, if we stay silent, if we learn to stay in the gaps between thoughts… If we live life as a meditation; if we find the silence in the turn of the breath, then we will know ourselves and one another through the polarity…

To return to know ourselves completely as love, as silence – first we must experience the push to the pull, the challenge, the heart break, the pain, the sorrow, the joy, the connection the winning and the losing, the yin to the yang…

And through travelling through lifetimes and experiencing that to everything there is a season, we will in time return to that place of pure love…

Paradox of life

Famara beach with the tide far out and the sun glistening – a place of pure magic.

I felt my reflection… In the sand, the sea, me merging in the run with the sun and becoming one, more free in each step that I ran.

A woman stripped off her clothes and walked naked into the sea as I ran by on my naked feet… Transparent…

I listened to the waves, the wind and the voices of all who are here to help us as we journey… More reflections of our own energy in the form of those who are here now and those who have gone before.

We are never alone; we are one and the oneness can only be experienced in relationship with the sea the sun the sand, and with one another – the rain, the snow the cold and the ice, and one another. Those here now and our ancestors who have paved the way; us in other lives – all our experiences that have happened, are happening now and will happen.

They are all occurring in this moment; so there is nothing to do but stay in it and trust its unfolding…

The only way we know ourselves, the only way we can know this moment –  and the only way we can experience true love –  is to let everyone go and to let everyone in.

We live in paradox and it is within embracing the opposite sides of a seeming zen koan, that we find the truth of ourselves in every single other person…

We are all a hologram, so within us we have every single energetic possibility… But depending on our own unique flavour, there will be aspects we will never now live out… Although we may have in the past; been the murderer, the liar, the cheat…

Seeing ourselves in others is an opportunity to see where we are clear and where we are not… To know ourselves completely in the experience and reflection of this life… And to know that our ‘self’ does not exist…

It is never about us, and it is always about us…

This is the paradox in which we exist…

To be free is to learn how to stay open to all the the dialogue, because only then can we choose whether we want to talk to someone or not…  This choice can only be made from clarity; if we are reacting then it is not a choice but shard of our unresolved pain arising – and so there is more to be played out…

If we are not reacting then we can walk away from anything that is not resonant.. Leaving a dialogue, a relationship, can all be done in love.

Love is when there is no shutting out, no judgement, no closing of our heart…

Elixir of love and life….

We left Richmond on Saturday evening with lots of time to spare…

Four years ago we had tickets for this same show ‘Elixir’ written by my old friend Christy Hawkins… It had a run then, in Camden… Anadi and I were still living in Eastbourne, and so we left hours to get there… But, we got stuck in traffic in the Dartford tunnel for literally hours, and more hours it turned out than we had allowed…! The time slipped away and we came to a point where we knew we had to give up…

While we were in Morocco I has seen the show was having another run – its ninth now – and that we would be back to the UK, in time for the last night…

The journey there was a delight in itself… I drove as Anadi is better at navigating than me…! And we set off on what turned into a delightful tour, before we even got to see the show…

What a magical fairy town, London town is!

We zoomed past The Natural History museum, and soon I saw the impressive building of Harrods, heralding its presence with the flags flying from its walls; round Marble Arch and alongside Hyde Park we motored – the roads clear – a perfect way to see the sights… We reached Buckingham Palace, and made our way down The Mall…

Suddenly I was running the marathon again, remembering that final stretch… Up to the palace, round the bend and down The Mall!

‘It’s funny to think I will be running this again’, I said to Anadi… ‘But in my bare feet…’

Like ‘El plan’ these words came out of my mouth, and so…  ‘It is written’.

I don’t know when…  But given  ‘El plan‘ – to run Barefoot Across Spain in my bare feet in the spring of 2018 –  is going to make me very fit, maybe the year after next – the one I turn 60 in… But my feet will decide, so no need to concern myself!

Along the Embankment we drove, and soon we were at the half way point in the London marathon… Tower bridge, and we continued, making our way to the docklands, still on the marathon route, when we arrived at ‘The Space’ in West Ferry road… A wonderful historical building which survived the blitz, and is steeped in history, and the energy of our ancestors…

Christy values the importance of honouring the spirits of those who have trodden on this land before us, the energy from whence we came – and continue to investigate together… To delve into the mystery, magic and wizardry of life; to find the alchemy within us all…

The ability to transmute base metal into gold… As Christy and I were exploring after the show…

Christy made reference to the quote… ‘As above; so below, as within, so without; as the universe , so the soul’, which refers to reminding the ‘magic practitioner’ of the importance of balancing the physical and spiritual, or else the magic deeds can come from an intent for wrongdoing…

We are all capable of alchemy, and we are all capable of our ‘magic’ coming with an intent for wrong doing, which is them sorcery… This can be unintentional and in the ‘name of love’; but when we seek to truly connect to the still point, then our actions will come from this silence – and can be nothing but pure…

And as Christy said, in the end the greatest alchemy is love; true love is beyond the duality of the pull for wrong and right doing…

Everything can be transmuted through the letting go of the investment and attachment to the yin and the yang in all things, in this universe of duality; part of the journey to transcending the pull of yin and yang, can occur in seeing the madness of ‘so called magic’ which relies simply on belief…

When we seek to connect to the silence within us, we become capable of clearing everything that arises and clouds this clarity… And then true magic can occur from truth, from love…

But in all the investigating and searching, the human foibles, lies, betrayals, wizardry madness and fun, everyone is seeking the elixir, of ‘youth’ within, joy, happiness  –  which the plot of Christy’s play is based on…

But true youth, is love everlasting where there is nothing, only love…

Christy has just got married to Issy who we met on Saturday… She is very beautiful on every level, and came over to us after the show having watched a vlog so that she would know me…

Christy and Issy went on a pilgrimage across the UK before they recently married, and his play is the the strongest it has ever been of its 9 productions which had its birth in Prague…

A testament to the alchemic qualities within, and to the greatest of these… Love… The show was fabulous, joyous, outrageous, funny, colourful, vibrant clever , totally engaging at all times…

But with deeper messages for us all if we wished – but if not – an escape into glorious fun, and a frolicking romp through magic, marriage and more…

Hearts full of love…

Today has been a lovely day, a special day… A day filled with joy and love and connection.

All days have this within their essence…

Each day we live has the potential to be a special day, a day filled with love, connection and joy.

The key is that we stay at all times connected to ourselves… That we remain present in every moment to this moment, and to the centre of our being. When we do this we are present to others… If we are not present to ourselves then of course the effort to stay engaged and connected with another is hard, and will undoubtedly break…

How could it not? We are one, we are all united and in the mirror we will find the cracks in the connection to ourselves, as well as the bursting heart felt love and joy.

Like everything it is a practise, to gently reconnect to ourselves… Whenever we attempt to distract, to run from ourselves – to run from anything that feels difficult or distressing or uncomfortable, the key is to notice this… To watch when we reel away from the pain… And to know that the route to the deepest connection with self and others is to stay and ‘face the music’, feel the pain… The anxiety, the anger, the hatred, all emotions however deep, or base they may be… and bit by bit heal the wounds from our past, clear the pain from our being…

The delight of clearing the blocks is to discover that there is no limit to the joy, the bliss… The connection never falters and extends beyond anything we might know, or have imagined… When we are fully centred in self, then there is no separation from another, any other… We are always in touch, in love, in joy with one another…

And this can be felt, and experienced from the inside out…

Because being connected doesn’t mean we must be talking constantly, touching constantly, or even in the same room or country… It is about a steady force of love within us – a place of self love – that cannot but help to spill out to everyone; and be felt always, all over the world…

Today I experienced a joyous physical re connecting with my wonderful sister in law Haze… I drove down from London in time to run about on the beautiful South Downs… Up up up the steep grassy green hill from the ‘Bede’s cafe’, bright shining blades of grass, lustrous, cool, damp, dry dusty in parts… My body unfurled from its long drive and I had to curb an urge to run further than in truth, I had the space and time for!

The downs remain still number one on my list of ‘beautiful places to run in the world…’

After my run, I enjoyed a wonderful long lunch with Haze… Before a very exciting meeting with Anne Flude…

Anne connected with me on Facebook because she enjoyed my blogs… She started to share many of them – as well as my vlogs – and our ongoing on line dialogue deepened…

I asked if she would like to make a vlog together… And this is it!

It was such a delight to meet her…. And you will see from the vlog her fabulous energy and spirit. Camera person Haze and I loved our time with her, and we both came away enriched…


I finished my flying visit by enjoying a cappuccino in Prezzo with Edwin, a special friend… It was a fun fitting finale to my special day! Once the last drop was gone from our coffee cups, we walked through Eastbourne together; the shops shutting up, the streets empty and quiet, to find my car…

I dropped him off and then drove back to London on a glorious summer evening,  against a backdrop of sweeping English countryside and dramatic skies streaked with yellow evening sun; my heart full…