Investigating our alter ego can set us free…

The night was alive with music and people and shops still selling… Restaurants full of groups laughing and talking; tapas selling in the street and cocktail bars … The delightful energy of human beings being human, doing what we spend a lot of time doing… eating drinking talking, sharing, time food, fun, laughter…

For awhile in this environment I get a wild urge to simply drink cocktails for ever; to sip their blue green rose coloured beauty and feel the lightness in the head lift me above everything; live in this state forever…

Cafe con leche for breakfast, moving onto cocktails thereafter…

It seems my alter ego is still alive and well; she who lives a life in the midnight hours, who drinks and writes and smokes all night long… Who has many lovers, female and male, and enjoys the exploration and adventure of discovering herself this way…

I enjoy investigating the desires of my alter ego, as they must be listened to… For if they lie in the shadows they can fester – shrivel and destroy us…

All that we keep hidden away, can hurt us and torment us. It is in investigating what lies in the darkness that we find healing, health and wholeness; by avoiding it and seeking only to stay where we feel safe; in the light of day where we hide from the dark, we are more likely to feel more suffocated and fearful and restless; trapped, confused and bored, than if we explore everything… Turn to what we can’t see, from that which we flee – and in facing it, find we are free…

For in the shadows is our princess and our king, our golden gifts and dreams, as well as the dim and murky waters of our pain… And all of it is for our growth… The tension and anger, the hate and the jealousy; the spirit of freedom, the race to the top, the success, the joy, the sadness, the athlete, the whore… Bring them all out, meet them on the floor in front of you, and feel the liberation as you find that the truth of you isn’t going to destroy you; in fact it will set you free…

For in every single aspect within us, there is the light and the dark. In every quality there are two sides to the sword… And when we dare look, we will discover how to embrace our shadow, include the aspects we most fear… Integrate them within us so that we find our wholeness, and delight in who we truly are…

The lively night turned into another glorious morning running on the beach; empty save for the early morning crowd… Of which I am often one… My alter ego doesn’t pull me to the place of lost form, lost running steps; she accesses the feelings of freedom, joy, electric possibility that the night time ‘alter’ represents… Free to explore, the morning barefoot running girl, enjoys freedom and electricity in the feel of the firm sand, under her feet… Washed by the recent swirl and swell of water…

She is able to experience the freedom, the exhilaration… Her own ‘Bohemian rhapsody’ on an endless sandy beach with not many other souls about

A Rose between two thorns

‘A rose between two thorns’ he announced, ‘we’ll see’, the lady sitting next to him in the aisle seat laughed…

I laughed too… The yang to the ying always present in this paradigm; I am a thorn, with the rose beside me.

I usually choose an aisle seat so that I don’t have to disturb anyone when I want to go to the loo!

But today I have really enjoyed watching us take off… Spain getting smaller… We flew right over the reservoir that we drive pass on our way up to the Alpujarras…
It felt exciting and magical to see the turquoise blue water there below me, like a make believe land that I inhabit for a short while and then leave again….

A metaphor for this make believe land, that we all inhabit for a short while and then leave again.

Life is a flash in the enormity of existence, and we are a spark of energy that burns with life for a short while and then goes out again…
And while we are alight, we have the opportunity to burn brightly.
To integrate and burn away all the stuff within us that is preventing us remembering who we truly are.

‘Know thyself…’

Our father said this to us so often, while we were growing up.
‘Know thyself  darling…’

He was the perfect energy for me to stretch my emotional muscles against…

When I was thirty three years old, I was making life choices and behaving in ways that were part of my own discovery, but that didn’t fit his moral code… He asked that I go and see him, because he wanted to talk to me about ‘my morals and my integrity…’
I didn’t go, instead we talked on the phone for two hours and I shared more of myself and my life with him… By now I reckoned that I knew myself better than I believed he knew me…

Three months later I did go to see him.

We lunched together on his birthday and during the course of our time together he said to me…
‘Darling, I think you are finding yourself….’

And so the very person we might think is crushing us, or disapproving of us, or misunderstanding us, can in truth be the very person who offers us the opportunity for growth, to go within and discover who we truly are.

This land is a make believe land, that we are making up as we go.

Our energy is creating our experience, and as we are in a paradigm of polarity… So if there is any dark in the world that we do not like, that affects us and we react to, whether that is in our own immediate circles, or globally, then our responsibility to to seek where this darkness is within us and own it and balance it… To be whole we must embrace all that we hide in the shadows… Integrate it, and bring it forth, so that transforms rather than destroys.

This applies to our hidden ‘gold’ too… Sometimes we might react to light in the world, because it is within us, but not yet integrated… Our ‘work’ is to be conscious at all times of the importance of owning our own shadow…

It is only when we have owned/cleared our own shadow, both light and dark, that we can truly experience the consciousness from which we are all ‘born’.

Light and dark are the polarity in the world we inhabit, a place where we can experience our energy because we are in a human body.

In integrating and clearing our energy, we will find our true self… We will discover ourselves in the silence between thought and in the still point in our breath.
We are so much more than anything we might define ourselves by now, whether that be in light or dark terms…

Whether we are playing the rose or the thorn on the stage of life in any moment, when we recognise and integrate both aspects, we will know that beyond this is the silence from which we are all created, and which reminds us that we are all one….