Solitude and Silence

Alone in the mountains in Spain, there is much opportunity to be silent. There is a stillness too that is almost tangible.

Today for four hours I was walking and running along the sandy, rocky, stony tracks and up steep steep climbs; while rain clouds gathered and swirled, dark blue, grey and low about the mountain tops.

I ran through wet misty air, all alone, no-one else; the sweeping grandeur all about….

There was a rustle in the trees – and suddenly just in front of me appeared a wild boar, followed closely by three more… Across my path and down the steep mountain side they went. I was very near them, shiny black robust – and then they were gone.

Hours and hours alone, moving easily allows for everything to disappear, and for the watcher to watch the running…

Later I drank coffee in the little bar where I had begun my day with coffee too… The circle complete. Spanish voices telling me about wild boar – jabalí… I understood most, but not all of the conversation; lending itself to the dream like quality of my time here in the Alpujarras…

 

The best course is to remain silent….

I enjoy writing in coffee shops; it was always my dream in the past to spend my time in cafes writing all day. In fact it was a dream I live out a lot… Writing anonymously with folk around me.

Anadi likes to work in silence, I believe the work of a computer programmer needs a more rarified environment, but still it remains that we are all different.

He will happily work for many hours in solitude, whereas although I am very happy alone; I also love to be around other beings.

I realised this delicate balance was essential to my own energetic make up and my well being, after I moved to Bath when I was 22 years old and discovered culture, coffee and countryside all in one place ?

My dream environment.

We are all different, we all have a different energetic resonance made up over lifetimes and lifetimes, and this is the meaning I take from Ramana Maharshi when he speaks of remaining silent…

“Whatever is destined not to happen will not happen, try as you may. Whatever is destined to happen will happen, do what you may to prevent it. This is certain. The best course, therefore, is to remain silent.”

I don’t read the words about ‘destiny’ in any sort of predictive way, as there is no future; nor a past – there is only now. All that is being played out is happening now, and so the more we find the silence within us and access this place, then all we need ‘do’ is simply that, relax, be silent, and allow it all to unfold now…

The challenges and the triumphs, the sadnesses and the celebrations, because they are all part of our journey here and it can’t be any other way than it is… The rich tapestry where little by little we clear away the illusion and instead of ‘living it all out’ unconsciously, we get a glimmer of awareness of our true nature from which we all are born…

And of course the paradox we live in, is that we are all one, we are part of the whole. We are all born of love, of god of consciousness and yet to experience ourselves we live as separate entities in a frame work of time, which does appear to have a very evident past, present and a future!

Even more reason to remain silent…

When I reflect on my past – that never happened…! I can see now that the Olympic dreams I had were never going to happen… It’s never a case when reviewing our life to get stuck in a story of… ‘If this had happened… Or this person hadn’t done that or another person had done this….’  Then things would have been different…

It is what it is…

Of course, to clear the emotional baggage that we are carrying, it can be a very useful process to go into the story of our life; but then comes the place of realisation…

That it was always going to be this way… And once again we come to see that we live life forwards into a future that doesn’t exist, and learn about ourselves backwards about a past that never happened ….

And the best course, therefore, is to remain silent….

Silence… Life as a meditation

The 6.30 am alarm is still a bit of a challenge… I am guessing my body thinks its in England and that I have suddenly decided to leap up at 4.30am!

Although there wasn’t a lot of leaping going on 🙂

Anadi and I wandered out into a glorious fresh morning, before the heat of the day… It promised us that anything could happen.

We kept wandering along for awhile – I am not keen on running the moment I am out the door – I like to warm into it and let my body and feet tell me when they are ‘ready to run’…

So we walked  and wandered and talked about stillness and silence…

Anadi had decided to take a bath after we came in from dinner before bed – and he had been ages and ages…!

When he eventually appeared in our bedroom I said ‘I want to know your insights, what happened in the bath…?’

I said this, because  Anadi is a very meditative, still being, and if he is silent he is usually meditating, not thinking thoughts… And early in the mornings, in the space between sleeping and waking he often has deeper insights and so I was looking forward to what might emerge from his silent soak…

And that was what he said… ‘Silence… Nothing else, relaxation and silence’

I lay in his arms and said…’Yes, silence…’ And that is how we went to sleep.

We had been talking earlier in the day about how we recognise that within the nomadic risk we have taken – are still taking – by leaping into the unknown, that at a deeper almost imperceptible level we are still ‘holding on’ in a ‘human worry way’…

Where is our life going, with Anadi’s business still in it’s fledging stages, and who knows where my sabbatical is taking me…?

Human concerns on this human journey …

And yet all of us are spirit – albeit on a human journey – but when we remember this then we can trust at the deepest level.

Trust what emerges from the silence…

Over breakfast we had talked about how we recognise always, that it is about going deeply into any areas where we are holding, even if they are so deep within that we are not that conscious of them… As in essence Anadi and I are not ‘worriers’ by nature, so to find the fear we have to catch it so that it doesn’t ever take a hold.

Rest in silence let go, trusting the silence always remembering…

‘There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.’

And the love spoken of here, is the love found in silence, in truth, within us all, when we trust and make our lives a silent mediation on the move…

And so after half a mile of wandering our feet started to run…

And we found a perfect five mile loop all around the edge of the forest on smooth quiet roads, shaded by the trees … We ran to the sea at the end of the exact 5 mile loop, and ran the half a mile we’d walked  at the outset of our run… Down to the sea we ran and dived straight into the huge  turquoise blue swimming pool at the bottom of our road…!

And under the waves I said to the watery deep… ‘Show me my truth…’

 

The rock remains…

I finished my run today by racing up the steps to the Penon del Santo, the largest and tallest of three rocks that divide the two main beaches here in Almuñécar…

The stone that has been there for years and years and years… The rock remains and stands here now, whatever wars and fights the human beings had, whatever dispute and discord in the name of finding harmony, peace, freedom; the stone stood still.

While we are experiencing life in this universe of polarity, the wars and disputes, the light and dark, the peace and discord will remain. It cannot be any other way.

So as the light gets lighter, the dark gets darker in equal measures. Yin and yang energy reveal this to us; it is how we are experiencing ourselves here.

But…

There is a place beyond this battle. There is a place beyond this duality.

Even knowing this can make more sense to the madness we often witness here on earth; the chaos, the swing between love and hate.

True love is beyond this, true love cannot swing. True love is silence, it is stillness and like the rock I raced up today, it remains.

It is always there whatever is going on on the outer realms… Whatever ups and downs, joy and sadness, war and peace… Beyond this place there is an infinite and ever continuing stillness, and silence which the rock can teach us all about.

This is why being in nature can give us so much. The silence behind and beyond the movement, the sounds. As we run or walk or sit and rest on grass, up rocks, under trees, in the rain and the sun, the snow; the darkness and the light… If we listen there is silence. Stillness in the movement, the noise, the changing forms.
Nature adheres to the natural laws, of yin and yang. But, if we stand in a storm, or under the bright sun; or dive into the sea so blue… These experiences can allow us to know that place beyond, that is deep within us all.

We are all born of love, consciousness, god, whatever word we want to use and so at the centre of everything is the silence within.

There is a quote I like by Christian Scientist Mary Baker Eddy

‘God is at once the centre and circumference of being’… In my own experience I edit these words to ‘Silence is at once the centre and circumference of being…’ pointing to the infinite and limitlessness of truth, silence, pure love of which we are all born…

Yesterday Anadi and I went for an evening swim off the shores of our naked beach, which perhaps unsurprisingly on a very hot Spanish summers eve, was full of naked beings!

We arrived, and it was like entering another world… Having run along the prom, with the beach beside us all colourful with sun shade umbrellas and people in bright wear; we arrived at our sandy beach where nut brown naked bodies were lying, swimming, sitting…

Even a couple, in the shade of a rock – quite discreetly – making gentle love under their towel…!