What might have been…

It seems when I am in Spain, that part of my integration and learning, is to navigate a health clinic of some kind…!
At Christmas Bronchitis lead me to the doctor, and now my ‘writing injury’, although much improved has still been causing me pain in the night, and my wrist is still a little swollen… I decided some help was required… Mari who works here where we are staying is a runner and so I asked her where to go…

She told me about a clinic ‘It is very near…’ and gave me the address…

All would have been well, had I not mistaken my google map instruction to ‘turn left’ – I took a different left and therein changed the course of my life… 🙂

‘My’ left turn took me on a long journey, all around the town… My ‘google map lady’ has a habit of going silent when I go a different way to her instruction… And so it all became very confusing…

After about thirty minutes, I was very very hot and very lost…

I stood on the street in my bare feet in a strange foreign town and had a real sense of vulnerable freedom. Alone in Spain, hot, lost… Of course, I could just re trace my steps and then I would be back where I started. So, now came the decision to steel myself to start asking people the way, or to go home with my tail between my legs…

I went into a shop and asked the way and understood enough to know I must look for a ‘Municipal Supermercado…’ which I found… I asked someone else and eventually arrived at the door of the physiotherapy clinic…

Seemingly small things in our day can demonstrate which way our inner compass might take us… It is all too common when we want to find our way to somewhere new – and then we find ourselves lost – that we want to go back to what we know…

And this is the biggest chimera of all; creating a false sense of safety by staying with or going back to what we know…

This doesn’t mean we need to be constantly changing our life of course; but it is worth investigating where we are attached to what we know… And only we will know whether staying or going back is in fact the journey forward. Once again life offers us inner puzzles, zen koans at every turn.

Attachment to – and fear – of letting go is very different to doing the same thing, which might be the very way forward for our growth… Attachment with a fear of loss is in denial of death…

And yet the paradox is that for our true inner expansion we often need to attach very deeply to something or someone, so that we can find our own wholeness and then know that we do not need to cling on, for the wholeness is within us not in the other…

And so round and round we go, discovering our own ties and binds… And round and round Almuñécar I went to find something that was right beside me…

This can occur in our lives; we often unconsciously take the long route to discover what we needed to uncover and understand, which was there all the time. This is the way we can understand that there is never a wrong turning, only a physical manifestation of a movement of energy, and that in that moment nothing different could have happened!

So when we start to become self aware it can often be painful to see ‘what might have been, had we known what we know now…’ But that was never to be….

What was, was…

Because that was all that could have happened in that moment, because it was an expression of our own energy then…

There is no one else to blame.

When we truly understand this, and it often takes a lot of uncovering and healing of the past to reach this point… Then everything pinpoints more easily into the here and now…

We are in a better position to see that clearing our tension and our reactions in each moment, is the only way to shift patterns of behaviour and move on from places where we are stuck, or clinging.

When we work deeply in our energy field, then everything opens up in magical ways…

I enjoyed my physiotherapy session (all in Spanish!) very much… Macarena was a lovely woman… We talked a little and then I lay in silence while she massaged my arm… (I gathered her diagnosis was RSI in Spanish words!) I lay in a room with a women I had only just met while she massaged my arm for 45 minutes…

It felt a true delight of this life, to recognise how we all meet and connect in  different ways to share our energy and skills.

She then asked me to follow her down to a room, where she placed my arm in a machine…  ‘Put ice on three times a day, come and see me again on Tuesday next week, and when this machine goes beep beep beep you are finished’ (she said in Spanish)…

So when, after fifteen minutes, the machine went ‘beep beep beep’, I got up, paid at the desk, made another appointment for Martes proxima and left the building….

My wrist is much improved today!