Perhaps I am a hippy…!

We arrived in Covent Garden, just as the naked cyclists rode by!

We were running across the concourse to make sure we didn’t miss them, and one of the street performers called out to Anadi and I, in a good natured fashion, ‘Run hippies…’ I laughed… ‘I have never been called a hippy before…’

But perhaps I am a hippy?

I have just looked up a definition of hippy and this is what it said… ‘Someone who has a bright outlook on life and cares about the world instead of trying to ruin it…’

Perhaps I am a hippy…

Maybe it was my bare feet, that made him think of me thus… With their now pretty bits of cloth wrapped around them! I cross them over my big toe, around my ankle, back under the arch and hey presto… !

Or perhaps it is my slightly wild hair from swimming in the Lido in Hyde Park…

Anadi and I ran there together today…

Three weeks ago our plan to do this was thwarted due to the malaise and subsequent  death of his computer; so I ran and swam in the Serpentine alone… But today we ran together on this glorious English summer’s day… And to make our experience extra special, a colourful, bright parade of pomp and regal shiny splendour, made its way in celebration of the Queens birthday right beside us…

We ran on the Oh so green grass, which was gentle music to my feet… They appreciated the springy warmth, the change of land; they loved it and danced on their run, in the sun, so joyous, alive, free and brown…!

And then into the Serpentine we dipped, and swum with the ducks, and geese, the dirty earth beneath us, weed and silt; but the water so clean and sparkly fresh cold…

It was a sudden decision to do this…

We were not due to come back to England until Sunday afternoon, but a weekend in London called us, and so with ease we changed our flights and here we are.

We arrived yesterday evening, and I immediately made my way into central London for an impromptu meet up with Athena Jane… As I crossed the station at Victoria, I had an idea… I flew into ‘Accessorise’ and bought two thin scarves with sparkly bits on them, to make into my bare feet decoration!

Jane and I had lots of fun working out how these bits of material might serve me in this increasingly barefoot journey…

My feet are in charge, I can see this now!

They keep taking me a step further towards the freedom they desire. Our bodies know. There is no rush… I never would have thought a year ago, that I would be wandering around our capital City in my bare feet…

An as we walked along these smooth streets, warm and grey, I heard these words come from me… ‘I could run a marathon here, these roads are wonderful, kind and smooth…’

So we will see…

I certainly do not plan that at the moment that is for sure! But I am always interested in the words that seem to come from nowhere…

We have been to the theatre too…

Enraptured for three hours by a truly wonderful performance… ‘Love in Idleness…’ I so enjoy the theatre. I was brought up on it. My Mother loved it and I had an idea at one time, that I would be in that world, as a director, writer, some such thing…

I don’t think that now, I just love going… Wondering at the focus, the commitment to being so fully engaged in their art and we are there too, fully in the unfolding on the stage…

Being fully engaged, committed and focused on our own stage of our life… The mirror of what we saw today, the ‘play of our own life’ is unfolding in this moment… The more we are engaged with it, focused and present to the moment the more we can watch its unfolding, enraptured and in wonder at this gift of life…

There is more in this world than we know…

Last night I awoke at 3.33am, thirsty for a glass of water… I enjoy seeing numbers all lined up; it feels part of life’s magic and a little like the wondrous intricate patterns of a crop circle; unexplained synchronicity within friendship meetings, happenings, occurrences that amaze us – and symmetry, mirrors, things ‘happening at the same time; it feels all part of the mystery… The mystery that is way beyond the minds comprehension; even the quantum physics findings about energy and entanglement theories only serve to deepen the depth of the vast unknown… There is more in our world than we know…

When I was with Maricarmen (my Spanish teacher) this week, speaking Spanish and exploring as we do now in Espanol, she was saying to me that I was a persona diferente, con energie differente ( quick aside here; she has also described me as ‘funny’ in English and ‘weird’, whilst laughing…) But today she was talking about me as a persona diferente con el curador de energia diferente and I then told her the story about my friend Polly…

When I was 14 years old, my mother was very ill and that year I ‘larked about a lot’ and the result was that having never in my life failed an exam; I spectacularly failed 6 of the 12 end of year exams…

I remember being a bit worried about this and Polly said to me ‘Don’t worry Ju, you’ll always be alright in life because you make people feel better…’

I told Maricarmen this story after she was talking about my energia diferente and as I told the story I had goose bumps all over my body… Maricarmen said to me  – proud nb all this is in Spanish! 🙂  – that she believed that at that moment Polly would have been feeling something as I spoke wherever she was in the world…

The entanglement theory states just that… That once we have connected with another human being at an emotional level, whatever emotionally happens to one, the other feels…

Demonstrating to me, the importance of clearing every charge we have within us to what is occurring, so that we free not only ourselves but everyone else… !

Because there is more in this world than we know, and the clearer we are, the freer we are to observe the magnificence and infinite magic of it all.

After I had drunk my water, I was suddenly moved to go out onto the balcony; and there shimmering her golden sheen on the mediterranean inky nighttime dark blue sea was the full moon in all her glory…

 

The rock remains…

I finished my run today by racing up the steps to the Penon del Santo, the largest and tallest of three rocks that divide the two main beaches here in Almuñécar…

The stone that has been there for years and years and years… The rock remains and stands here now, whatever wars and fights the human beings had, whatever dispute and discord in the name of finding harmony, peace, freedom; the stone stood still.

While we are experiencing life in this universe of polarity, the wars and disputes, the light and dark, the peace and discord will remain. It cannot be any other way.

So as the light gets lighter, the dark gets darker in equal measures. Yin and yang energy reveal this to us; it is how we are experiencing ourselves here.

But…

There is a place beyond this battle. There is a place beyond this duality.

Even knowing this can make more sense to the madness we often witness here on earth; the chaos, the swing between love and hate.

True love is beyond this, true love cannot swing. True love is silence, it is stillness and like the rock I raced up today, it remains.

It is always there whatever is going on on the outer realms… Whatever ups and downs, joy and sadness, war and peace… Beyond this place there is an infinite and ever continuing stillness, and silence which the rock can teach us all about.

This is why being in nature can give us so much. The silence behind and beyond the movement, the sounds. As we run or walk or sit and rest on grass, up rocks, under trees, in the rain and the sun, the snow; the darkness and the light… If we listen there is silence. Stillness in the movement, the noise, the changing forms.
Nature adheres to the natural laws, of yin and yang. But, if we stand in a storm, or under the bright sun; or dive into the sea so blue… These experiences can allow us to know that place beyond, that is deep within us all.

We are all born of love, consciousness, god, whatever word we want to use and so at the centre of everything is the silence within.

There is a quote I like by Christian Scientist Mary Baker Eddy

‘God is at once the centre and circumference of being’… In my own experience I edit these words to ‘Silence is at once the centre and circumference of being…’ pointing to the infinite and limitlessness of truth, silence, pure love of which we are all born…

Yesterday Anadi and I went for an evening swim off the shores of our naked beach, which perhaps unsurprisingly on a very hot Spanish summers eve, was full of naked beings!

We arrived, and it was like entering another world… Having run along the prom, with the beach beside us all colourful with sun shade umbrellas and people in bright wear; we arrived at our sandy beach where nut brown naked bodies were lying, swimming, sitting…

Even a couple, in the shade of a rock – quite discreetly – making gentle love under their towel…!

New life

The cherries are here again… shiny pink, clusters of new life. They are hanging happily from the trees in the garden of Teide restaurant where Anadi and I have shared many cafe con leche’s since we started visiting Spain three years ago.

Last summer, these beautiful trees became well acquainted with my Zen runners; we met at midday each day to sit silently in Vipassana meditation, under their leafy fruit laden boughs.

Today after my Spanish lección, Anadi and I enjoyed breakfast there with our friend Maggie. We sat appreciating their shade, wondering at the swiftness of spring turning into summer… Last week temperate promising blossoming climes, and now hot days of Spanish summer have raced in.

So hot; I am writing outside at a table under a shady canopy, and the heat is intense…

Today is global running day and as yet, not one actual step has not been run…

However, the energy of running – going for a run – is so much more than the physical act of the run.

I can remember a time twenty years ago, when I was having a lot of trouble with my troublesome left side… I felt the issues were needing some deeper work into my unconscious, so I approached a wonderful hypnotherapist called Paul Hide… He and I set off, on what turned out to be, a long and expansive journey together; until he moved away from the area some years ago now.

From the very beginning, he emphasised the importance of skull practise, and how the unconscious doesn’t know the difference between a real or imagined experience… Therefore much ‘running practice’ can be done in the unconscious…

I knew this to be true… I was already familiar with practicing ‘visualisation’ in my running to very powerful effect. I used it with greater attention one time… I hadn’t run a marathon for five years following very debilitating chronic fatigue/strange virus/ blood disorder thingy which had felled me in my late twenties…

By the time I was thirty one years old, I was ready to train for a marathon again… As the months unfolded, I found myself engaged in a night time practice, every night for many nights…!

I would lie in bed imagining myself running along the embankment; the last few miles of the London marathon, smoothly strongly, feeling good, hearing the roar of the crowd, the sun on my body, the road under my feet, running running running…

And when I was actually running the race, my body remembered… I was racing strongly smoothly down the embankment, running well, hearing the music of a roaring crowd, running fast, the sun on my body, the road beneath my feet….

So when I met Paul six years later, our work together deepened, healing the stress in my body, which had a tendency to reveal itself to me on the running road…

Once again, I recognised the value of ‘running within’; imagining the feelings of running, being on a run whilst lying down. And with Paul’s input, I went deeper into my unconscious to unravel the blocks inside me, which revealed themselves under pressure to succeed!

This work we did mirrored too my Zen orientation, of the actual running step being a meditation on the move… The step holding the space for the meditation, for the release of tension. Running itself becoming the place of healing to release. So that rather than running being a place where pressure to perform, could create tension; instead running held the possibility to allow for relaxation deepening

At a deeper meditative level Osho said the same thing… When asked if running was a meditation he answered thus:

‘Yes – use it as much as you can. If you can run then there is no need for any other meditation – it is enough’!

He also said this of lying down running….

‘Sometimes try one technique…. Just lying down on the bed, imagine that you are running. Just imagine the whole scene: the trees and the wind and the sun and the whole beach and the salty air. Imagine everything, visualise it, make it as colourful as possible….

Anything that you have liked very much, let it be there as if it is almost real; then start running in imagination – you will find that your breathing is changing. Go on running… and you can do this for miles. There is no end to it, you can do it for hours. And you will be surprised that even doing this on the bed, you will attain to those moments again when suddenly the meditation is there….’

Yesterday I shared a virtual run with Denny of Diz runs radio; he believes that the best conversations take place while running with others. And it was this belief that inspired him to create Diz Runs Radio…

On his show, he talks with other runners from every corner of the running world in exactly the same way he would talk to any new running partner during an easy few miles….!
Denny sent me a message last week, having discovered my blogs and vlogs, he asked me if I would like to ‘go for a run with him’…

I said ‘Yes’ that I would love to do that… And so we ran, last night… Me in Spain and him in Florida! It was great fun, chatting on the run with Denny and next Monday our conversation as we covered the miles will be broadcast on his show for all to join in the run with us…!

And as for today…

I have a plan, as the sun starts to make its way behind the hills I have suggested to Anadi we run again to our newly discovered ‘naked beach’, and stop there awhile, whip off our kit and immerse ourselves in the cool blue balm, swim some of our run before heading for home!

And thank you again Nick Miles for the use of your pics of me running here 🙂

 

 

Free fall to freedom….

I love stretching on the beach… It has become a daily practise and my body is opening up again.

In fact the stretches that are deeper, or harder for me to do, are accessing something previously inaccessible inside… I can feel this space I am living in currently, without much interaction or conversation, is lending itself to letting go of deeper older stuck energies which I could unconsciously distract from in my previous daily life…

I didn’t know I was distracting of course… And this is the trap!

My natural orientation when I am with another, is to forget myself wholly on a level. I am aware in the moment of my body and staying present to what is occurring; but not absorbed with myself –  and while this isn’t necessarily a problem, in recent years, I have had less and less time alone..

So; now that I have more time just with myself, I can feel how the mind used this busier time as a distraction from truly going into the older energies that needed to clear away.

The mind, thinks it is who we are… So these ways of being that we think are us, are not necessarily so! And even when we realise this and engage in some sort of personal development or releasing work, we can still unknowingly hold on…

To that outdated stuff, that psychologically we understand and have ‘worked through’ in therapy, in self investigation, in the journey to see and understand our stories, our patterns..

But, there comes a time where knowing too much about our issues, can trap us too!

Another tie, another bind… Being aware without shifting the ‘stuff…’

We may know our areas of challenge, we may understand our reactivity, we may know our energies that limit and block us from freedom…

And so then there comes a time where ‘working on them’ or ‘thinking about these things’, becomes the very trap that keeps us in their grip…

There comes a time to simply let them all go.

Clear it all away, and time alone, time to simply be with ourselves can give us the space for the energies to reveal themselves… The probable lifetimes of living within a story, an energetic pattern, of whatever the trap might be becomes a habit, and limits us from feeling true freedom…

When we are truly free, we live in a place where there is no emotional charge to any of the stories of our life..

As I mentioned in a previous blog, we can get trapped within these stories and their energy ‘not good enough ‘could do better’ ‘wrong’ ‘not loveable’ ‘rejected’ or even seemingly good stories…  ‘always right’ ‘always wins’ ‘always succeeds’ or perhaps ‘the rebel’…

We all have ‘life stories’, but it is the energy that is ignited when we tell them, or invest in them that shows where we are held… No charge, no energy, just the story… and we are free as birds on the wing.

So, there comes a time when all the work is done, the mental understanding, the observations of how this has played out in our lives, the stories of what happened in our childhood, how we internalised these energies, how we held on the these energetic patterns and ways of being in the world…

And beyond this, there is the leap to the new, the leap to freedom; the leap into the unknown…

I can feel the gift this new phase of more solitude and quietness in my life is bringing… I am in free fall and there is no going back…. 🙂

This morning Anadi and I ran to the end of the long beach that starts just outside our ‘front door’ to do our stretch routine and for me to make a film about foot exercises!

I am a close friend of foot exercises… Over the years my feet have been troublesome beings… I have experienced lots of pains in them.

Getting shoes was always a trial, and especially as a long race approached it wasn’t uncommon to still be trying to work out what to wear very close to race day…

And then I would find ‘the perfect shoe’, only for it to go our of currency…

I remember buying eight pairs of the ‘Brooks something or other’ – the shoe I wore when I last ran under 3 hours for a marathon in 2004 – when Lawrence who owns the ‘Tri Store’ in Eastbourne, alerted me to the fact they were stopping that model…

But eight pairs of shoes eventually wear out, and so again I came to the end of my perfect shoe…

The pain of Morton’s neuroma, which I experienced often, is intense. My friends got used to me having to stop on runs to take my shoes off to wriggle my foot about to take the pain way…

So, I know many foot exercises, and this morning I shared a few on my vlog… And now I use them to set my feet freer and freer.

They love having no shoes to restrict them.

They are letting go. they too are in free fall… My feet and me 🙂

Human beings, being together….

A man is sitting at my table with me… He is happily writing postcards and drinking a fanta limon.

He arrived, pulled a chair over and said something about not wanting to take up too many tables… There was not another table in use at the time.

But we have settled in together now.

I have adjusted to my silent companion opposite me, I was welcoming of his presence, but I have not encouraged any conversation, and he has made no attempt to engage in any either… So we sit together, looking like friends or partners who have known one another a long time, at ease in one another’s silence… He writes his post cards and I my articles.

Space, what a funny thing it is…

On a tube train in London, we will stand squashed close to another and it feels quite natural. It is what we do when in London at rush hour, or holiday times on a train or at festivals and concerts; football games. At the theatre or on a plane, in a cinema, we sit next to another, the distance organised and expected… Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don’t…

But the space is accepted, we know the deal…

Sitting at my table, just across from me, when we do not know one another has taken a little adjustment, but I am there… I have adjusted. But I am more keenly aware of his energy in a way that I would not be so on a train or a plane.

I can sense him and know is there, a kindly presence, a little like my fathers’ interestingly… A strong male energy.

A woman appeared after awhile… My companion stood up, put his red hat on, he turned politely to me ‘I have to go back to my own wife now…’

And there they are, sitting just as we did…. He is still writing his cards, she is doing something on her phone…

Human beings, being together…

Our energy is making up a part of this whole hologram, of light and dark… It is tangible, can be seen and felt by others, whether consciously or unconsciously… Therefore being aware of our own energy, it’s impact and influence, being responsible for it all the time, is respectful to others in this illusion that there is another!

Today I set off alone, into another glorious midsummer morning… I wandered out into the street, early again. the roads quiet. I jogged up to my man who collects euros… Part of my routine now, and his until I am gone.

I ran along past the restaurants and down onto the beach, along the shore and back up to the base of the steps that lead all the way up to El peñón del Santo, which is the tallest of three rocks (peñóns!) that form a natural barrier between the two beaches here, playa del Mar and playa San Cristóbal.

El peñón del santo was once the site of an ancient shrine and there is a cross on the top to commemorate the defeat of the Arabs and the surrender of Almuñécar in 1489 during the Catholic reconquest of Spain.

And today, people walk or run to the top to admire the wondrous views… Another runner was doing the same as me, running up and down!

Two women were engaged in a shiatsu, yoga type of activity on the top…   I ran the route 7 times, passing walkers as I ran  – a little  white and brown cat prowling about…

All of us practicing our different ways to meditate on the move…
Human beings and cat beings, being together….

The illusion of this life moving, shifting, changing, shimmering…

We got up early… For Spain!

At 8am it felt like day was just dawning… A few people wandering, the man with his dog who sits on the promenade collecting euros was already in his place…

The sun shone on the limpid blue sea; sparkling, dancing bright… Paving stones outside the restaurants wet washed from being freshly hosed…

Quiet Sunday morning, fresh, beginnings of something new…

At the other end of the day it is very different; life goes on until very late…

We went out to eat nearing 10pm last night. I ate avocado salad and Anadi a portion of his favourite paella. We dined on the beach to the sound of laughter, talking, many people awake with an evening just beginning…

‘I really want to get up earlier so we can get a longer run in before its too hot…’ I laughed as we sat over coffee at our table, now in inky darkness of night. In my old life 6am was a normal time for me to run and now I call 8am early…

Enjoying the clean, clear air of ‘early morning’ we ran along the road for two or three miles, and then onto a beach, stopping on the rocks for Anadi to pull some glass from his foot! Across another beach, splashing in our bare feet in the waters edge; then up the rocky path and beyond.

Running high up on the cliff top path touched the very core of me, my base chakra contracting; some fear still to clear of falling from on high…! While Anadi danced along in front of me, running backwards to film me for my vlog!

Later as we enjoyed some lunch on one of the beaches we had ran by this morning, we were reflecting how the energy of places, resonates, draws us back again and again.

We first came to this very beach three years ago. We had tried to go to another and missed the turning and so ended up here, at Velilla… I have vivid memories of lying on my back on the hot rocks loving the sensation, the healing warmth, the energy of those stones.

And so we kept going back; down from the mountains once a week at least to feel the magic of this little bay.

Last year we were attracted to spend Christmas in Almuñécar… Many times I ran the few miles along the coast, and right past this beach; winter blue skies, quiet, restaurants with the shutters down, a little village hardly noticed on the running road.

In February Anadi joined me on this run and said… ‘This is the beach we came to three years ago… ‘No…’I said ‘I don’t think it is…’ But then I looked more closely; it was. I hadn’t recognised the land I’d loved that summer; and I had run through it morning after morning…

Today we again sat in the same restaurant we came to three years ago on the beach in Valilla, summer has arrived here in Spain… People, music, busy restaurants and hot sun!
‘It’s like another life’ I said ‘It’s like we are on a stage and the set keeps getting changing, we are staying still and everything is changing around us…’

And this is what is happening… As our energy changes the reflections of our lives are changing too; energetically we will often be around the same people and in the same places… But there is no such thing as time as we conceive of it; and so the mystery of our own lives is unfolding, on the stage around us.

The more we are still, the more we can access the silence within, then we can truly watch our lives unfold from this place of deeper trust. The stage, the illusion of this life moving, shifting, changing, shimmering; staying the same in reflection to whatever is occurring…

And the more we dive deeper within to the still pool that is our own truth, the more we can enjoy watching the film of our life unfolding on the cinema screen of our own existence…

Breathe in existence…

Yesterday morning I left Anadi working and I ran to the track; I then proceeded to run around it twelve times… I stretched out and ran faster for 200m and then slower for 100 meters, then faster again, round and around I ran in this fashion…. I loved it.

The sun shone and the track felt familiar under my bare feet… How many times have a I circled around a track, 400 metres in distance? It feels like lifetimes and yet still I am drawn back to running around and around and around…

What a funny thing to do!

Especially in bare feet it seems… Two other women arrived while I ran, and they ran too; one of them asked me about my bare feet as I left…

‘Me gusta’ I said 🙂 I like it… And I do.

I like running with bare feet, and I like living without any shoes. I like feeling the hot pavement beneath my feet, or the ground wet with rain and dew.

When we climbed down from the road to the beach this morning, I said to Anadi, ‘I so love the feeling of the sand, the pebbles, the sea on my feet… ‘Yes’ he replied. ‘while we are in a body, we might as well really appreciate the feelings, the sensations…’

I also like swimming without any clothes, and last night as we sat under a warm low evening sun, eating delicious paella, we spoke with a man who is staying here too… We had seen him a few time that day, so he stopped by our table to talk; he told he has been a nomad too.. .’Well ‘I’m still a nomad really’ he continued, ‘but I’m here working with property’ – ‘I’d guessed that’ I said… ‘Oh no, I hope I don’t look like an estate agent’ he laughed… He then told us how he runs along to the rocks at the end, and takes a skinny dip…

‘Ah, kindred spirits ‘I laughed now…

So this morning Anadi and I were on our way to the rocks, to find this place to swim bare bottomed and free… But before we had found the rocks, we found a beach. There were a few people there already… Very soon we realised that most of these people were naked; brown all over, walking about, sitting, lying on the pebbles.

We whipped off our clothes… The sun warmed our bodies and the turquoise golden lit mediterranean sea, embraced us warmly with her chilly silken touch as we dived in; freedom in the body, the elements, sun sea naked joy…

What begun as a barefoot running meditation on the move, transformed into a bare bottomed swimming meditation – to sunny silence, lying on the glorious hot stones…. Life a meditation. I was reminded of these words spoken by Osho …

The fish in the sea is not thirsty’, observes Osho, ‘but man is. Man lives in existence, and is absolutely unaware of it. Man is born in existence, breathes in existence. Man is godliness, made of the stuff called God, and yet completely oblivious of the fact.’

And so we can learn from the fish… We can become aware of it…

We can be aware of living in existence, that we breathe in existence….

What might have been…

It seems when I am in Spain, that part of my integration and learning, is to navigate a health clinic of some kind…!
At Christmas Bronchitis lead me to the doctor, and now my ‘writing injury’, although much improved has still been causing me pain in the night, and my wrist is still a little swollen… I decided some help was required… Mari who works here where we are staying is a runner and so I asked her where to go…

She told me about a clinic ‘It is very near…’ and gave me the address…

All would have been well, had I not mistaken my google map instruction to ‘turn left’ – I took a different left and therein changed the course of my life… 🙂

‘My’ left turn took me on a long journey, all around the town… My ‘google map lady’ has a habit of going silent when I go a different way to her instruction… And so it all became very confusing…

After about thirty minutes, I was very very hot and very lost…

I stood on the street in my bare feet in a strange foreign town and had a real sense of vulnerable freedom. Alone in Spain, hot, lost… Of course, I could just re trace my steps and then I would be back where I started. So, now came the decision to steel myself to start asking people the way, or to go home with my tail between my legs…

I went into a shop and asked the way and understood enough to know I must look for a ‘Municipal Supermercado…’ which I found… I asked someone else and eventually arrived at the door of the physiotherapy clinic…

Seemingly small things in our day can demonstrate which way our inner compass might take us… It is all too common when we want to find our way to somewhere new – and then we find ourselves lost – that we want to go back to what we know…

And this is the biggest chimera of all; creating a false sense of safety by staying with or going back to what we know…

This doesn’t mean we need to be constantly changing our life of course; but it is worth investigating where we are attached to what we know… And only we will know whether staying or going back is in fact the journey forward. Once again life offers us inner puzzles, zen koans at every turn.

Attachment to – and fear – of letting go is very different to doing the same thing, which might be the very way forward for our growth… Attachment with a fear of loss is in denial of death…

And yet the paradox is that for our true inner expansion we often need to attach very deeply to something or someone, so that we can find our own wholeness and then know that we do not need to cling on, for the wholeness is within us not in the other…

And so round and round we go, discovering our own ties and binds… And round and round Almuñécar I went to find something that was right beside me…

This can occur in our lives; we often unconsciously take the long route to discover what we needed to uncover and understand, which was there all the time. This is the way we can understand that there is never a wrong turning, only a physical manifestation of a movement of energy, and that in that moment nothing different could have happened!

So when we start to become self aware it can often be painful to see ‘what might have been, had we known what we know now…’ But that was never to be….

What was, was…

Because that was all that could have happened in that moment, because it was an expression of our own energy then…

There is no one else to blame.

When we truly understand this, and it often takes a lot of uncovering and healing of the past to reach this point… Then everything pinpoints more easily into the here and now…

We are in a better position to see that clearing our tension and our reactions in each moment, is the only way to shift patterns of behaviour and move on from places where we are stuck, or clinging.

When we work deeply in our energy field, then everything opens up in magical ways…

I enjoyed my physiotherapy session (all in Spanish!) very much… Macarena was a lovely woman… We talked a little and then I lay in silence while she massaged my arm… (I gathered her diagnosis was RSI in Spanish words!) I lay in a room with a women I had only just met while she massaged my arm for 45 minutes…

It felt a true delight of this life, to recognise how we all meet and connect in  different ways to share our energy and skills.

She then asked me to follow her down to a room, where she placed my arm in a machine…  ‘Put ice on three times a day, come and see me again on Tuesday next week, and when this machine goes beep beep beep you are finished’ (she said in Spanish)…

So when, after fifteen minutes, the machine went ‘beep beep beep’, I got up, paid at the desk, made another appointment for Martes proxima and left the building….

My wrist is much improved today!

Wholly accepting this moment…

I ran for 65 minutes this morning; some of it with Anadi and then I ran on for a bit before turning back to meet up with him on the beach and go for the swim I didn’t go for last night 🙂

I have no idea how far I am running at the moment due to the death of my watch when I finished my run in the sea in Barbati…!

Not being too aware of stats when I am actually running suits me as I like to run ‘free’… This could look like something of an irony given that Anadi’s platform is all about sports analysis…

However I also value seeing what is going on in the body… I just prefer it reflectively rather than in the moment I am running.

I am not someone who pushes in actual training, so reflective analysis works well for me… As I wrote before in my article for Anadi, I am the master of ‘Long, Slow, Distance’… I just like going running.

My ‘pushing’ in the past was of a very internal nature… I was always hard on myself about the times I ran in races and in interval training… So the tension arose from the ‘not good enough, could do better’ energy; and a sport that measures your ‘worth’ with how much time you take to cover a certain distance, meant that I had definitely landed in the right place to clear this inner tension…

‘Not good enough, could do better…’ An eternal inner mantra, that got lodged pretty firmly.

I remember running my best ten mile race… 55.10 for first place in the Woking 10… I had run my fastest time, and come first… And yet on the following Wednesday when AW (Athletics weekly) was published I saw another of my contemporaries had run under 54 minutes in another race the same weekend, and I immediately felt the familiar energy about myself… ‘Not good enough, could do better’…  (I haven’t run better btw 🙂 )

It seems a madness now, reflecting… !

And that is exactly what tension within us is, tension that means we are not wholly present in this moment to what is happening, and wholly accepting of this moment…

It is madness…

And the only answer is to dive deeply into it and feel it fully until it leaves us and then we are free… This can take time of course, because we can be very attached to these madnesses as they inform our life, and we even believe we are them! “That’s just me; that’s just the way I am…”

Well… Of course it is not the truth… None of us are our tensions; we are free and we are beyond anything we can perceive with our minds…

The clearing of the tension is the first step towards living in the gaps between our breath, where we will meet with our true nature.

And, I am very much looking forward to Anadi’s new devices arriving…!

It will record all that is going on for me while I am running but I won’t be able to see it until afterwards… Perfect.

I will be able to monitor and reflect and learn within my new paradigm, my new journey unfolding of having fun in my bare feet, without the old stories of the past creating blocks of tension to my freedom of expression…

Finding out in each step, what the next will reveal…

We had a glorious swim… I whipped off shorts and stood bare bottomed on the empty beach to put my bikini on… Anadi Laughed –  “There’s a guy behind that rock…’ I turned and sure enough there was a guy behind the rock… He smiled and shrugged his shoulders and I smiled back…

In the same way as I wonder when it became strange to wander around in bare feet, I wonder when it became strange to wander about bare bottomed…?