Anadi and I have just been sitting in the sun in a little square… We have taken to having lunch at about 4.30; the time has crept later and later.
Today the food we ate felt like there was a magic ingredient within it.
While we waited for it to be prepared we sipped from a glass full to the brim with fresh mint and hot water… We added a sugar lump, for a little bit of ‘je ne sais quoi…’
We sat in the sunshiny timelessness of our life ; in a land that is now familiar and yet we are just passing through; travellers on the path of life.
We were brought two bowls full of couscous, laden on top with goodness… I had the one with just vegetables, seven of them, shining with oil and spices and herbs. It was like we were being brought an elixir. The man who served us was unsmiling until the very end, when he overheard Anadi saying to me…
‘That was such good food…’ He responded ‘Thank you’, in English. Not one person in the little restaurant had given any indication they understood one word of English, and my French had found new levels!
The energy in the food was tangible; Our sensitivity is even greater the more we travel and change and shed… We find that as we journey we have let go of so much more than just our possessions; and this is continuing… Ever since we started out together, there has been more and more stripping away…
One of the biggest things that I have stripped away more fully in the last five years than ever before, is the fear of being told I am ‘wrong’… It has seemingly just vanished!
Of course, there were hundreds of years – I imagine lifetimes – of living the energy out royally… And another few hundred or thousand of trying to ‘work it out’ and free myself…!
I have a sense that I was vilified for speaking out my truth, and so I came into this lifetime with that energy well and truly entrenched…
In my first attempts to free myself, I set out to do the exact opposite of what was asked of me by authority figures… Instead of setting me free, this meant I became used to hearing that I was ‘wrong’… But my spirit fought on!
And now, some fifty years later, the sense is simply that ‘poof’ – it has vanished as easy as that 🙂
The other thing that has ‘gone’ completely is any ‘holding back’ from success’… Oh my goodness me, the hours of work in therapy I spent exploring this ‘issue’… I would see it come around and around; and as Ros my therapist reminded me… What I perceived as ‘success’ – when it happened – was never much fun for me, fraught it seemed with pressure and expectation, and still a pervading sense that it wasn’t enough.
And I wanted to have fun!
In simple terms the messages I received in childhood – from different but equally influential sources – were contradictory to me….
Success in life is important….
Having fun in life is important…
They didn’t seem to be two things that I could easily put together…. Of course, my life had fun and success in it; but neither to the level I felt were within my energetic remit, and they seemed at odds with each other… !
However, energy can get stuck – as we know it can never be destroyed – and so it isn’t uncommon for the same things to happen again and again and again. To transform (make a through or dramatic change in the character of the energy) and transmute (change in form nature or substance) energy takes big work to shift it all about.
It is possible to have a sense we could do, be or have more – and yet find that we keep going around and around the same old loop; feeling frustrated and disappointed in ourselves and in ‘life’ and others…
Because change happens from the inside out, it takes us truly being able to see how our energy is playing out, how we are living it out, to be in a position to start the inner work to shift it about – so that we can create a life that we dream of.
But all of this is possible, I have seen this in my own life.
Fun and success are not separate entities… In fact if I’m not having fun at whatever I am engaged in; then this in itself means I am not succeeding…!
I can see the evidence in the changes around me as I embrace this new chapter in my life… Where there is no holding back, no sense of being wrong and it is all about having fun!
Any ‘success’ will be born out of the energy of fun! 🙂