What we create in the here and now…

We wandered in the dark through the Medina, throngs of people wandered too; the selling and bartering reaching new heights in the nighttime hours; silken bright vibrant cloth, shirts dresses and trousers, a mass of colour, carpets hung on the walls, sparkling jewellery, restaurants and food stalls spilling out into the cobbled streets… And we wove our way through them all…

A man carrying a tray of cakes and pastries… ‘You want happy cake’ he asked; ‘Good hashish’ “No thank you’, Anadi smiled. ‘I quite fancy trying some happy cake’ I said… ‘Not a good idea with your tummy’ (it still hasn’t quite returned to its normal rhythms – I am experiencing a cleansing time here in Morocco!!) Anadi cautioned… ‘And we don’t know the quality of the hashish…’ He continued…

I took his advice and we wandered on; down to the beach, and round to the port where we had been told there would be live music playing…

There were lots of people, milling about in the dark shadowy port, but no sight or sound of any music… And then we realised that there were trays and trays of freshly caught shiny silver grey fish…

We didn’t want fish so we carried on – enjoying the nighttime vibe, the people, the smell of sea and fish and the sounds of being together…

And then we found the stage…. In a big square; cameras all set up. the platform ready; people gathering and so we gathered too.

We stood in the crowd for nearly three quarters of an hour, we didn’t know if anything would happen soon or not… The time was making its way towards 10pm and we hadn’t eaten, but the warm balmy night, the sound of chatter and standing together in a land so different, leant itself to just being…

More and more the ‘not knowing’ opens us to greater and greater ease in not knowing, to being alone, together. Morocco has a very different energy and I am liking not minding, that I don’t ‘fit in’, that I am a rare bird to the Moroccans; young girls like to stand near, get near… The men tend to address me and not Anadi, a strange juxtaposition and a land where women are still subservient or fighting for their rights…

I like the way nomadic life has stripped away any definition of myself – and certainly my past… When the stories of our life become that, simply stories, we find ourselves more free… In all the lands I land in now, my ‘back story’ is irrelevant… Too long and too hard to tell; and it has vanished really in the moment.

Of course I can remember my journey on this planet to date; but without the energy or importance I attached to parts of it in the past.

It feels more like a past life, from which I have learned and freed myself to live more immediately, knowing this is it…

That there isn’t anything but what we create in the here and now; and if we are creating from a still clear space within, then it can’t be anything but joyous limitless, expansive; and clear.

And then in the next minute everything changed…

Four men took to stage with a traditional Moroccan sound, that rung out in the inky black night bathing us in its energy; resounding through my body; I could feel the beat in my solar plexus and there was nothing else but the sound and the sensation…

Until we decided it was time to go in search of supper…

Loving learning what we already know…

I have just been caught in a strange position on the floor by Fatima our dueña!

I am writing in the riad, with luscious  plants and a solid sandy coloured, font like water feature in front of me… It is very tranquil – I am sitting on a velvety golden chair, surrounded by more beautiful furniture – paintings and candelabras…

Every day, when I run on the beach, I see men and boys doing all sorts of impressive athletic exercises – I am always inspired… Their bodies are lithe and free; there seems an elasticity in their movements

Today, I saw a young man kneeling on the sand, but with his toes active and ready to spring… He leapt from that position up onto his feet and then jumped into the air… As I ran past I gave him a thumbs up, and we were united for a moment in sporting joy and recognition.

And so I was trying to re create the movement on the beautiful red patterned Moroccan carpet here in the riad! I could achieve it if I used my hands… A bit of work is needed to do it like him – hands free… As I was practising, here alone ( I thought!) Fatima appeared to water the plants…

I explained to her – as best I could in my limited french – what I was doing… She has become used to us now – on day one she said ‘you are different…’ And so whichever way our difference goes now, she is very accepting…

She listened to my explanation and then said… ‘Ahhh – you are learning then…’

I am learning… I love learning, and practicing what I learn… If we approach learning as a never ending journey, and practising as an ongoing process, again one which never ends… Then always we see the vastness of the universe in each moment. the limitlessness of all that there is… Every moment holding a myriad of possibility…

This way, we move from the place of  perceiving learning as a medium by which we ‘get’ something; ‘a grade’, ‘a qualification’, ‘an ending of learning’… Instead to seeing learning as a place we bring ourselves to – and give of ourselves in the dance of life, and discover and learn what we already know intrinsically as consciousness, but wish to experience in human form..

Of course, the awards, the diplomas, the distinctions we might be awarded along the way; the medals and the trophies are all part of the journey… A fun and celebratory part of the journey!

But it is important to recognise that we have ‘made this up’ as humans; we have put measurements on expansion and growth and opening – and this has created an illusion of separation rather than developing an energy collaboration and cooperation…

Of being One, of being different aspects of the same whole, all with our unique contribution to offer… Celebrating one another and what we bring… The quality, the expression, the unique energetic quality and ‘colour’.

Being inspired by one another, to aspire and open to ourselves in deeper and more profound ways.

But all too often, we have attached an importance to the result rather than the process…

Instead when we reconnect to the joy of delving into the place we don’t know, or we are ‘remembering’; or the places we think we do know, but find we can uncover more, then the process leads us to the ‘results’ and they may be far more magnificent and inspiring that we ever knew…

Always there is more – as I am discovering in my sporting journey of already over fifty years…

I love to stretch on the roof here with the cats… It is fun to be in the sun, with them all playing with my feet, and to notice how my body keeps opening…

How the process of being supple happens within – although of course the exercises are helpful and the outer expression of the inner stretch – and they are more helpful if done from an energy of opening. In the words of Godfrey Devereux – with ‘repetition not aggression’…

And from a desire to love ourselves more, not to push or hurt ourselves…

Doing our own thing together…

I did a sort of peep show vlog today; and I noticed that rather than not wanting to be on video, everyone was keen to be in the frame… I am so aware not to capture people on film who don’t want to be captured that I recognise now I have been missing giving people the chance to join me…

I was making an assumption… And assumptions trap us; of course they also free us to live… We assume the stairs will hold our weight, the sun will rise, another day begins, the car will start!
But really and truly nothing is certain… So when we assume, if we assume from the position that nothing is certain we will develop a keener awareness of the magical and the mysterious…

‘Making something up’ without testing it out can limit us…  We might think we are being ‘kind’/ ‘polite’ – but once again this is to do with us, not them.

The most powerful position to take as we live each moment is that of ‘not knowing’. This way we do not project ourselves onto others, and we then do not unintentionally or intentionally manipulate or manoeuvre people with our own agendas or ideals or values… That might be nothing to do with the other at all!

All the people who were in the little alleyway as I left the Riad to run, were more than happy to be in my film – in fact they requested it – and it has opened a whole new avenue to me as to who might join me in my vlogs…

It is always important that when we think something, or know something, or even intuit something – that we test it out… It is only a hypothesis and we have only ‘made it up’ until that moment.

It can end up limiting our own lives – as well as the space between us in relating with others – if we believe our made up things without exploration… They simply become projections to do with us and our own paradigm…

Now it might be that we ‘make up’ and intuit extremely accurately – and this gets born out again and again; but unless we are invited to say what we intuit or see, then it can take away the power of another and becomes dark energy rather than the light it is our intention to shed.

And so in every moment of every day we must check in with ourselves and our assumptions our projections and even our intuitions and seeing abilities. As Ros, my therapist and supervisor would say to me ‘what do you make up…?’ And we would explore that it was very likely an accurate insight; but even if this is so, it doesn’t give us the right to interfere with the path of another unless invited to give the insight…

We do not know the path another treads, and it might be important that they live out a pattern, a way of being and that it is not the time for our observations… If we are seeking to change another, or even point out where they might change, when this hasn’t been invited, then we must look at where the three fingers of the point are pointing back at us…

It is always to do with us…

The only place of transformation and change that we must be concerned with is with ourselves; if anyone seeks our counsel then so be it; this is still to do with us and must have no agenda or self agrandisement within its energy…

I used to have a Buddhist text on my wall – when I had a wall 🙂  – which essentially said this…

If we are to work in the lives of others then it is always knowing that our job is to feed and water the plant, which way it grows is up to it; if ‘the plant’ takes a lifetime, a hundred lifetimes or a thousand lifetimes to grow and blossom, it doesn’t matter – if we practise this way our practise will always be at peace…

If we are true to ourselves and let go of all expectation of others then we are free…

I ran 9 miles on the beach today, up and down, because the wind has whipped up again and so to break up the bits of running into a head wind, I ran out for 4k and back again and then out for 3k and back again… It felt like a great big gathering… The windsurfers and kite surfers in their element, the galloping horse with their tails flying and the rocks sparking off their shoes as they ran over the pebbly stretches; the same people on the beach each day, running exercising inspiring – joining together in the dance of life…

All of us doing our own thing together.


 

Success is fun; Fun is success…

Anadi and I have just been sitting in the sun in a little square… We have taken to having lunch at about 4.30; the time has crept later and later.

Today the food we ate felt like there was a magic ingredient within it.

While we waited for it to be prepared we sipped from a glass full to the brim with fresh mint and hot water… We added a sugar lump, for a little bit of ‘je ne sais quoi…’

We sat in the sunshiny timelessness of our life ; in a land that is now familiar and yet we are just passing through; travellers on the path of life.

We were brought two bowls full of couscous, laden on top with goodness… I had the one with just vegetables, seven of them, shining with oil and spices and herbs. It was like we were being brought an elixir. The man who served us was unsmiling until the very end, when he overheard Anadi saying to me…

‘That was such good food…’ He responded ‘Thank you’, in English. Not one person in the little restaurant had given any indication they understood one word of English, and my French had found new levels!

The energy in the food was tangible; Our sensitivity is even greater the more we travel and change and shed… We find that as we journey we have let go of so much more than just our possessions; and this is continuing… Ever since we started out together, there has been more and more stripping away…

One of the biggest things that I have stripped away more fully in the last five years than ever before, is the fear of being told I am ‘wrong’… It has seemingly just vanished!

Of course, there were hundreds of years – I imagine lifetimes – of living the energy out royally… And another few hundred or thousand of trying to ‘work it out’ and free myself…!

I have a sense that I was vilified for speaking out my truth, and so I came into this lifetime with that energy well and truly entrenched…

In my first attempts to free myself, I set out to do the exact opposite of what was asked of me by authority figures… Instead of setting me free, this meant I became used to hearing that I was ‘wrong’… But my spirit fought on!

And now, some fifty years later,  the sense is simply that ‘poof’ – it has vanished as easy as that 🙂

The other thing that has ‘gone’ completely is any ‘holding back’ from success’… Oh my goodness me, the hours of work in therapy I spent exploring this ‘issue’… I would see it come around and around; and as Ros my therapist reminded me… What I perceived as ‘success’ – when it happened –  was never much fun for me, fraught it seemed with pressure and expectation, and still a pervading sense that it wasn’t enough.

And I wanted to have fun!

In simple terms the messages I received in childhood – from different but equally influential sources – were contradictory to me….

Success in life is important….

Having fun in life is important…

They didn’t seem to be two things that I could easily put together…. Of course, my life had fun and success in it; but neither to the level I felt were within my energetic remit, and they seemed at odds with each other… !

However, energy can get stuck – as we know it can never be destroyed – and so it isn’t uncommon for the same things to happen again and again and again. To transform (make a through or dramatic change in the character of the energy) and transmute (change in form nature or substance) energy takes big work to shift it all about.

It is possible  to have a sense we could do, be or have more – and yet find that we keep going around and around the same old loop; feeling frustrated and disappointed in ourselves and in ‘life’ and others…

Because change happens from the inside out, it takes us truly being able to see how our energy is playing out, how we are living it out, to be in a position to start the inner work to shift it about – so that we can create a life that we dream of.

But all of this is possible, I have seen this in my own life.

Fun and success are not separate entities… In fact if I’m not having fun at whatever I am engaged in; then this in itself means I am not succeeding…!

I can see the evidence in the changes around me as I embrace this new chapter in my life… Where there is no holding back, no sense of being wrong and it is all about having fun!

Any ‘success’ will be born out of the energy of fun! 🙂

Week one done….

I have just come of a Skype call meeting with Maggie… She and her husband Jack are plotting my route across Spain

It was fun to connect and share progress over ‘El Plan…’

It is just one week since I announced that I am now officially in training to be capable of running barefoot across Spain next spring…!

I am running to raise money for FSH – the Friends of Sussex hospice, as well to raise awareness of end of life care…

And within bringing greater awareness to the end of our life journey, I am also recognize that this brings us to a keener connection to our life; to how we live… For in fully facing that there is an end to our journey here; we bring more awareness and focus on the fact that when we reach the end of our days, we look back at a life fully lived…

In the words of Mark Twain

‘The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who fully lives is prepared to die at any time…’

To fully live, we need to be fully ourselves as from this place we intrinsically know how we would like to spend our time here.

None of us know the path another treads and so the more we are connected to ourselves and to our own life… The more we can celebrate the choices others make; even if they may not be the same as ours…

Last October I recognized that I needed a break from working the way I was; so in May I started a sabbatical that has turned into a completely new life; and now is seeing me take up a challenge which I am excited about; and reflects me living out my own true steps; barefoot ones it turns out!

In following my hearts calling; already others are following me onto the road between Suances Cantrabria to Almunecar, 1004k away…

Our connection was quite broken today as the internet wasn’t so strong; but this didn’t prevent us feeling the excitement of an idea already starting to have life and an energy all of its own.

We are looking at me running blocks of 5 days were I cover 25k a day; I am not sure how we came up with the 25k per day amount… I think I listened to some inner wisdom!?

We are planning a rest on the 6th day and then off again…

As yet, I have no experience of running barefoot for long distances day after day… And I haven’t run one run of 25k yet… My longest barefoot run is 22k; and to date in a five day block, my highest tally has just occurred…I covered 35 miles since and including Sunday…

My blocks of running are to be more than double that…!

But 7 weeks ago, my body and feet communicated to me themselves that they were ready for more consistent running…

And I have 7 months of preparation ahead until ‘El Plan’ commences at the end of March…

Each week, I will be doing a live update on Facebook. I did my first today which due to unreliable internet here in Morocco was a bit broken up!

My next one will be on Friday August 25th at 8am BST, I am looking forward to meeting with you then!

Today, August 17th, is the 23rd anniversary of my Dad leaving his body… I was talking about him this morning with Anadi over breakfast…

I remembered him saying to me…’Darling, I think you would be marvellous on television’!

I believe he would enjoy seeing all I am doing, he loved my natural running action and was saddened to see it tighten as tension took me over with the pressure I put myself under to succeed….

Now he would see me running in the way i did as a young girl, with the same freedom in my running action and the same joy in my soul –  and with my own television channel! 🙂

Connection and communication…

As I walk in my bare feet and communicate across the globe through our incredible technology, I am reminded that the art of communication miles apart was a natural thing to mankind.

The aborigines are known to use telepathy as a normal way of speaking, and it is simply an unused part of ourselves…

‘If we don’t use it we lose it’, is true of so many things… Whether that is our bodies and their abilities to do things, like running jumping, handstands, even squatting up and down…

If we stop doing things then the ability can disappear.

The same with a foreign language, it is important to practice or the hard learned words will disappear again from our memory…

Technology aids our ability to be with one another in real time across thousands of miles and different time zones; but technology is channeled energy and this universe if an energetic vibrating expanse, where we are all part of the whole, and so within every one of us, there is everything there is to know and be.

Of course we are all experiencing different energetic aspects of the whole, giving us the illusion of separation; but the more we let go and surrender any sense of ‘self importance’, and instead allow ourselves to be available for what is occurring… We can experience, appreciate and celebrate the diversity in another person, another land, another culture and connect to the people and experiences through the senses and energy, rather than the limits of the mind.

When sensing and intuition lead us, then we can use the logical mind to its best ability – to put things into action, create, make, manifest from the limitlessness of the energy we are all a part of…

And so although we use technology to access our voices, see our faces; the relating is still more about an exchange of energy than anything else.

If at the core of us we stay connected to our heart and its messages, and the intuition in our body, we will find that we can receive messages from others just as those more sensitive to the skill or practiced at it do…

Because when we receive a text message, or an email or a normal letter in the post, it is possible to feel the different energy from each person; each has its own quality.

I notice this in particular on my YouTube channel, as I am communicating on the messages page with some of those who are following me… Many of them, have different names to their actual one; and no photo and yet in the dialogue with each of them there is a different energy and I am able to feel and pick up something about them aside from what they write…

I am sure this is resonant for us all; and the more we listen to our own intuition, we will discover that at the core of all the wonders of our world now, is the connection to ourselves, to one another and to the earth where all the messages are coming from….

We had a delightful evening last night in the company of Tom and Alicia… They have been in Essaouria or two weeks painting and cleaning a school and now they are spending two days here in Riad Arambys until going to Marrakech…

Alicia is Spanish!

And so I was able to deepen the lesson I had in the morning with Maricarmen; and ensure that I don’t lose my Spanish by not using it enough!

Doing what we love; loving what we do…

We have taken to visiting our blue rooftop restaurant every day…

We clamber up the narrow steep steps from the street and emerge into our blue oasis, with pots of plants sitting on top of the thick walls. It is tiny up there, with four tables crammed in, bright parasols jostle with one another to protect us from the bright glinting yellow light of the afternoon sun…

I am working my way through their list of ‘juices’ made with milk and ground almonds, dates and  raisins… It’s a bit like having my ‘pudding’ first…

And then we are brought a tapenade, black olive shiny salty deliciousness, to spread on crisp little toasts…

I like this new ‘routine’ – I order mozzarella and tomato salad and Anadi takes a soup and then we finish with the moroccan tea ritual… Anadi has perfected the art of filling our second glass in the style our waiter delivered our first; pouring from high up, golden liquid landing in the little glass in bubbling delight…

Fun… Our lunchtime break.

When we went to pay, the owner asked us where we live and how long we are in Essaouira for… We have been to his cafe now four days running now 🙂

When he heard we were nomads, he liked it ‘The best life – no restrictions – free from the environment, then you don’t get stuck in it’… He said…  ‘Good for “here”,’ he continued, pointing to his head…

He said he was happy we kept coming back to his restaurant, he thanked us, asked us to do a trip advisor report and then as we left, we all said… ‘See you tomorrow…’

Fatima thinks we work too hard, she wants us to go out for longer in the day, to leave her oasis of the riad, with tall green plants and quiet – the rooftop cats which we love… She wants us to go and swim…!

But we don’t want to swim 🙂 We love what we are doing and we are loving our time here… Anadi loves his programming and I love my new rhythm of running and writing as I have dreamed of doing for much of my life…!

I ran alone today on the beach; the wind has left and so the running – joyous before – has taken on another quality… It feels limitless, the beach curves around the edge of this part of Morocco for another 70k… And my feet are so willing; they feel like they could run the whole way round…

I was reminded today of a hero of many of us, Caballo Blanco (aka Micah True) of the book ‘Born to run’ fame… He is no longer alive in his body on earth; but his energy, his legacy lives on, and his mantra… ‘Easy light smooth fast…’

Barefoot running, more than any running I have done, lends itself to this mantra… My feet sing it to me; rather than me to them…

There is something about running in bare feet which is always like playtime…

Later…

I received a text from my sister Rosy, saying that she was very glad we had changed our plans…

We had booked to be in Freetown, in Sierra Leone, now rather than here… But in June I started to feel unsure about going; it was just a feeling rumbling away, But then both Anadi’s colleague Mudassir and my sister expressed concern over us going…

‘Lets cancel…’ I said to Anadi, ‘I have been having doubts, so this confirms it, we’ll change our plans…’ and so we did.

Two days ago Anadi said to me… ‘I believe we escaped something bad happening, by not going to Freetown’. ‘I agree…’ I replied ‘Even possible death…’

In the text from my sister, she told me that there has been a tragedy in Freetown, over 300 people have been killed in a mudslide that occurred very near to where we would have staying…

As Maricarmen – my Spanish teacher – said, when I told her this story… ‘It wasn’t your time… You aren’t good enough at Spanish yet…’!

following the path of our heart…

We have just come back from wandering in the streets and even doing a little bit of shopping…!

Our days seem to find a rhythm wherever we are in the world… Our food changes and the climate changes, the people, the energy of the land, the feel, the texture of our time is different… But after we have been in a place for even only a few days we find we are often doing the same thing, and eating the same thing for breakfast each day… Even though it is entirely different from the breakfast we have eaten every day in Spain, or in Greece….

In Corfu, I love the fruit salads, piled high with thick greek yoghurt and honey, in Spain the tostadas with olive oil and tomato become my daily fare; and here the sweet breads and homemade jams, omelette and olives and salad are what I look forward to after running and running along the expanse of endless beach …

And I ran again today along the magical shore, Anadi came too and we covered 8 easy miles; not a breath of wind, a blue summer sun day; and I spotted two more Moroccan women running; dressed in their robes, their heads covered, but running freely, relaxed.

Mainly it is the men and boys we see, many of them…

As we ran we watched the first families arriving on the beach; the mothers all covered, their children in little pairs of pants or shorts, bright swimming costumes – racing about the sand and into the waves, free as birds…

One little girl, maybe only three years old, was running along towards her father, who was joggng backwards, with his hands outstretched – encouraging her  – while her mother walked along behind… All of them were laughing.

Suddenly the little girl saw me… She looked around and tried to keep running, but she stumbled, and stopped and was more intent on watching me… I waved and she waved back….

Because, there comes a time when the girls cover their bodies, their heads and sometimes even their faces so that all we can see is their eyes… and everything changes…

From then on, they watch…

Except for the ones that don’t, that show their faces and are fighting for their freedom…

When we came back to breakfast today, Fatima asked how far we had run, 13k I said… I went on to tell her that we see mainly men…

‘A strong woman’, she said to me… ‘They will be surprised to see it, a strong woman… It is good.’

‘Be the change you want to see…’

I walk freely in their land; my energy different. Fatima has said on a few occasions to Anadi and I… ‘You are different…’

I have been reading about the women of Morocco who over the years are creating the changes, are being the change they desire… In the end we can only change ourselves; we can only be the change and others will follow; but they are simply being their own change.

My path is not to fight for the freedom of Moroccan women; but my path is to be freedom, to live freely from the core of my being and in being free communicate this in my every breath.

The little girl stopped in her tracks; my energy impacting on maybe her whole future…

I have watched the women watch me as I run by and they smile… We say ‘bonjour’, there is sisterhood in our difference. I am one of them… In the past I put my own restrictions on myself and readily bowed down to what a man would want before my own wishes…

How could I have possibly helped with repression of women by men when I was joining in with that energy?

The first change must come from within; everything changes from the inside out…

And if we are true to ourselves, and true to our own path then we cannot help but be leaders…

We cannot help but travel the route that our heart leads us, whether that be protesting in aid of women’s rights’ speaking it out as Saida Soukat did this May just gone…

For most of her life she has worked the fields and minded the cattle, but she found herself last May chanting these words into a megaphone… “One foot up, one foot down. For my land, my blood will shed,”

There is economic and social change occurring in the Morocco and it is happening from the inside out, the women themselves being the change… And so we can be the change; free ourselves to free others, and we do not know what stage that might lead us onto…

Saida soukat may never have imagined when she was a girl growing up that she would be part of a movement that is shaking the patriarchal foundation of the society…

Except that her relative Fatima Soukat who is now in her nineties has been leading by example – fighting and cheering for women’s right for many years, and she is still fighting for the right to the land where she was born and raised eight children.

“I demand the land of my grandfathers,” she said at one recent protest. “We are beaten. We are oppressed.”

When we surrender to the path of our soul, and our heart, we do not know where that will lead us, and it takes courage to trust the route of our truth, because like Saida Soukat we too may find this leads us to speaking it loudly into a megaphone!

Stories to support the life our heart yearns to lead…

The beach was shiny new flat clean sand, miles and miles of Saturday morning joy.

Inspiration in its limitless possibility, stretching as far as the eye could see, and aspiration too from those treading on its sandy shored expanse.

I love watching the Moroccan boys and young men stretching their limbs, running jumping doing all sorts of athletic leaps and bounds… One ran past us, smoothly fluently and then turned around and ran backwards along the sand…

I remembered doing the same – years ago – and so although we were on a walk, with my body still recovering from its short illness, running backwards started to happen… I was inspired!

I have no concept of age anymore…. Of course I know that I have been treading this plane for over 58 years; but I mean I have concept of what that might mean… What tales I might make up up about its limitations or expectations…

I look at the movements of the children, those who have not trodden these earthly shores for as long as I have and I seek to learn from them, to mimic their agility, their reed like stature, their posture and strength, their supple flexible bodies…

The only time that I remember having to ‘work through’ an ageing issue process, was when I was 41 and I had an overwhelming sense of ‘time running out’ for my running life…

Clearly I am free of that ‘story’ now… 🙂

And in my bare feet, on the contrary, I feel like I have just begun, all over again… That I am right at the very beginning of my running journey; not at the end as I feared back then!

Any tension or thoughts that we get stuck on, and start to ‘story’ can become our truth and then, inevitably, we start to pick up the same stories in the mirror…

We find ourselves speaking with others with the same fear – and deepening it, so that it feels to be the truth – or in my case someone asked me about my ankle which at the time had been sore for quite awhile, I said it wasn’t quite better yet… The response…  ‘You’re crocked girl…’ Was a turning point, I knew I wasn’t crocked and I also knew the fear within me that felt maybe I was, that I was done, my running over, the end…

In seeing this fear reflected back at me so starkly, I resolved to go deeper into the place where I was holding onto the ‘ageing story…’

And now; 17 years on, I have no concept of ageing, or slowing, or being crocked or any such thing… Instead I feel that each new day brings new possibilities, new inspiration, new bright spot lights on the stage, where the show of my own life is being played out… 🙂

It is a good practise to listen to the stories all around us, the ones we tell and the ones others tell, and to remind ourselves that they are just that… Stories – Some may hold huge value and inspire and uplift, but some may stick us in mud and make life seem dull and hard.

We are co creating all the time, in the spaces between us where the dialogue is woven and created into the ‘truths’ we receive… Being conscious of what we are co creating means that we can make something up that truly supports the life our heart yearns to lead….

I have a story now…

My story is that Fatima, our dueña here in Essaouira has taken it on herself to feed me up since the ‘short illness’…

She added cheese to my omelette this morning – and not to Anadi’s – and this very moment she has just brought us a plate piled high with moroccan sweet delights…

There was no hesitation from either Anadi and I…

The plate is now empty!

Let the fiesta commence

Friday evening…

I have had a short illness…!

I am now just about to go out to eat, and I am dreaming about a tagine of vegetables and couscous…
I woke in the night with a churny upset tummy and then my body burned all night and has burned all day too…

I got out of bed, and went to walk on the beach with Anadi and walked in the surf and felt better… And then I ate a little bit of breakfast – I love the breakfast space here, a bright blue room, with vases of flowers on the tables… And from its cupboards and fridges flow plenty. The energy of the room is one of openhearted generosity… Fatima loves to look after people, and she brings us delicious moroccan flat breads and honey, corn cakes and eggs – which I couldn’t face today – I nibbled on the corn cakes and flat breads with fig jam and and then went out onto the roof with the cats.

I didn’t do much, the cats gathered around me and I sat under the shade of a little woven umbrella and I appreciated the lazy energy of the stretched out cats, the sunny shade… The weakness in my body, meaning that all I could do was sit and stare…

Illness can be such a quiet place of contemplation and letting go; I could feel my body starting to burn again and asking to lie down… And so I took the lead from the lying down cats and I went to bed; all afternoon I slept and my body burned away whatever was being burned away…

it doesn’t really matter what is leaving, but fever has a good way of clearing out, burning up, so that then the new emerges like the Phoenix rising from the ashes…

And now my temperature is leaving, I have showered and I am hungry…

The life force rising again… An appetite for life returning out of the clearing away.

Saturday morning…

Illness in the body can provide the space for understanding, and a deeper letting go, when we are stopped in our tracks.

In that space if we allow ourselves to surrender, we can recognise that something has emerged into the physical plane and the space of stopping can allow it to be cleared away…

It wasn’t surprising to me that having made the commitment not just to myself – but to everyone else – to run across Spain barefoot, that I should immediately on day one of ‘setting off’ stop in my tracks.

Fear arising to be clearing and burned up…

Historically I was always a very good ‘manifester’… A ‘maker happener…’ However what I ‘made happen’ wasn’t always good for me; it came from ‘wanting something’, rather than waiting and listening to my heart and soul’s calling…  And the difficult side of it, was the unravelling of what I had started to create, or created and the disappointing others who had come along too…

And then one night some years ago now, I was woken in the night. it was 3am in the morning and a voice said to me ‘Be very sure before you decide on a course of action, as others will follow…’

And so I became very conscious and much more still and aware, and stopped ‘trying’ to create anything… I shifted position and waited longer before deciding on a course of action… This served me well and has lead me to a clearer quieter wiser space…

And so now that I have decided on a direction, I am confident that I can trust it… And I delight already in witnessing that others already are following…

And a big celebratory party is in the making… One of joining together, of companionship, love, connection and fun on the roads through Spain…

And now that I have burned away the fear! Let the fiesta commence… 🙂