The turquoise sea…

The turquoise sea was our background music… The sound ever present, but ever soothing, gentle but wild…

We sat the three of us on a terrace, the day warm, with only a slight chill from the grey clouds. But we were wrapped up warm and sat for three hours, eating talking sharing – enjoying the space of exploration and stimulating honest conversation about ourselves, our lives our thoughts and feelings…

When I have a treatment with Gerhard, there is no talking – which I love – it is all about the energetic space and receiving; total bliss… Which is why lunch seemed such a good idea… To enjoy the connection we have, but with words – conversation – and over food!

Gerhard asked me today to remind him how we met… It was two years ago; I was looking for a sports massage and a waiter in a restaurant gave me two names. I chose Gerhard and have been going back ever since, every time we visit the island…

We lunched at Otters in Marsalforn; Anadi said as we left that he’d really enjoyed himself, how quickly the time had gone – and how he’d had lots of flash backs to his childhood times there.

But that they felt more like a past life.

It is always interesting to me how important it is to always be availale and aware of how much we don’t know; where we may still be holding on to ways of thinking or being that do not serve us, that may have come from way back in past lives – and revealed themselves early on in this life…

There was something in the dialogue today when Gerhard and I were sharing the restrictive aspects of our younger years, that shone the light on where there was still lurking a faint veil of puritanism… The whisper of a voice that says seeking happiness or enjoying things on this planet is somehow to be shunned, and that the life of ‘sack cloth and ashes’ and abstinence is ‘the way’…!

Now, in truth this does not obviously show itself in my love of life, but in our dialogue today I caught sight of it, and I was able to catch it by the tail and pull it out from wriggling back into my unconscious.

A part that says ‘I shouldn’t be happy’, and ‘I shouldn’t really engage in things that make me happy’… Now of course as you may witness, I don’t live that way. I live a life doing and being and having things that do make me happy…

I have challenged the constraints of the religion I was brought into, of the messages that life is ‘hard earnest difficult’… I have trodden my own path, and found how to live with joy, to have fun, to experience freedom…

But the point is that if within me there is still a slight voice of dissent, of disapproval… Then that voice will be dampening the possibility of absolute joy – of having the most fun… It will be taking energy – slightly holding back the freedom of expression.

We are on an earthly journey and there is much to enjoy… Like lovely food, and running and cappuccinos ?

This morning Anadi joined me again, and we ran 5 miles, which made my weekly mileage 50 again. We did some stretches of fartlek as we ran, which was fun and fluid and flowing… I am enjoying building my running form in stages… Holding steady at 50 miles feels a good way to deepen the progress I have made since July.

This week, my training felt almost too easy… That feels to be a good sign.

When we build and build, and listen to the body, when we listen to every part of our being; then we start to accomplish super human things and they feel easy… When things feel too hard, there is no way we will keep them going. Our endeavours take on the energy of a campaign…

And the nature of campaigns is that they always come to an end.

So campaigns have their place, of course – but it is important that we are keenly aware that if we are in a stretch that feels like a big effort, to recognise that there will be a time span, that it won’t go on forever…

The more aware we are, and available to notice this, and work with this…

The more we can make sure we are always building and not breaking down!

 

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