The plane my office…

My office on the plane; the plane my office…

As we sat waiting for take off, the pilot announced further delays caused by missing our slot, possibly an hour still on board, he said, until we could leave…

I never mind delays, I see them as an opportunity, it feels like somehow they give me extra time… Even when the truth is they can be taking it away the other end…

But there is nothing to be done…

One of my longest delays was a night and a day in Girona… For the same reason as this one… French air traffic control striking …

It was 9pm at night and we were just about to board when nine flights flashed up on the board as cancelled…

Chaos broke out… I stood for awhile watching and wondering which way to turn…

Needless to say, I discovered what was needed for my next move – and after three hours in a throng, otherwise described as a queue, I was booked onto a flight for the next evening… I had rearranged my appointments for the following day whilst in the mass, so I hailed a taxi and made my way into Girona to find somewhere to sleep…

The day was a delight, a warm sunny time, of unexpected silence and solitude in the sun; tranquility and ease… Drinking coffee of course and enjoying the space, the pause…

Those spaces always act as a reminder of how to live life always in the space of tranquility, of peace… Whatever is happening, to be free from the rush and push and whirl… Even in the midst of the longest ‘things to do list’, to be engaged with the space, the pause, the gap in the breath where infinity and our infinite nature can be glimpsed, recognised, dived into, expanded…

This morning I rose early, before the dawn had streaked its warm orange glow over the land. I made my way to the circular blue road and ran around and around until I had covered four miles and woken myself up in the process…

It was a companionable start to the day; a few other runners and walkers were circling like me in the dusky morning warmth… I loved every step and was reminded again how worth it, it is – getting out of bed early, when the spirit is willing but the flesh feels a little weak…!

To experience our spirit’s truth, its freedom its light, we need to open our body so that the spirit can shine through; when we move our body, it is possible to shift emotional stress and tension caught in the muscles…

If we use movement in sport, or dance or yoga, chi gung, to expand and celebrate our body, and remain conscious of an orientation of moving to release tension, it becomes easier to remember how good it feels when… ‘I don’t want to go to move, to run, to swim to stretch’, occurs….

We store our tension in our muscles, and movement isn’t necessarily a place of release… In fact how we move can deepen tension if we are unaware; and if we approach exercise in the vein of rush and push and whirl we can find it a place of misery and disappointment…

But when we listen to our muscles, to our breath, to our feet – we will be guided as to what feels good…

We will be guided so that we can let go and be free…

Birthday fun….

Anadi and I clambered across the watery rocky shore line, ankle deep in warm salt water, feeling the seaweed and sand beneath our feet… A birthday run; Anadi well enough to come out to play again…

We had a plan for a birthday skinny dip at the end of the beach, but today it seemed a popular destination for many clothed walkers – and the sea felt a little wild – the waves glorious to behold, but a little over zealous to dive through….

And so the birthday ritual was abandoned and instead we ran towards the coffee and tostado birthday breakfast…

I always remember my friend Andrew who loves to surf quoting a piece of surfing wisdom to me, which honours not only the power of the sea, but accesses our inner wisdom too…

He said that if a wave is too big, then paddle back to the shore… There will always be other waves…

The more we are committed to clearing tension, and anxiety and fear – the more we can be truly in touch with our inner wisdom and know the difference between a wave that really is too big and will threaten to annihilate us – and our inner wobble, our fear needing to be felt and stretched out of…

This is a minute by minute process… of learning to listen deeply within, so that we can tell the difference.

It is a fine line, because the paradox is that in not listening we can miss our truth both ways…

Either by going for something we really can’t and shouldn’t do, and so setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment –  or not going for something we could and can and for our growth should do, even if it stretches us…

Both are opposite sides of the same ‘coin of distraction’, away from following our inner voice…

To deepen the puzzle even further… Our inner voice may lead us to something that we don’t succeed at – but energetically we needed to find out, or attempt a few times to uncover and discover the hidden treasure within the journey…

So have I confused you entirely… ? ?

Because we feel and experience everything through being in the body, it is only through staying fully in each step that we can start to know the difference between the two… The tension and fear that needs clearing, the gung ho – ‘I’ll show you’; and the path of the heart which needs following…

We sat together in the sun enjoying the best ever tostados and cafe con leche, birthday bliss…

Later…

I have just had one of those conundrums in real time…

I had entered the club La santa 5k earlier in the week – and sitting in the sun enjoying a Spanish Birthday Saturday, I was feeling that I didn’t really want to race 5k, I didn’t feel like putting myself on the line… There  is a red ‘cancel’ line on the app and all it would have taken was for me to press that button and my day to be free of any pesky 5k races in the sun in my socks…?

I had already decided I would put my socks on as the road was burny hot and there was lots of uneven pavement and road to navigate…

Anyway, I knew that the slight turning away was for clearing – and that turning up was what my inner voice bid!

At 4.30pm, I wandered over to the stadium with Anadi, and by now was looking forward to the event – all traces of resistance gone – I felt no nerves and was interested to step into the unknown….

The race felt so good…!

I felt flowing and strong and I am so much more comfortable in feet without shoes… It is a very rare thing that I exceed expectations in running; but I did.

I ran 21.52 with relative ease…

My inner voice knew the way….

Giving of ourselves…

I ran around on the grass this morning and my feet were as happy as can be…

Every so often when they have worked hard and are a bit tender – and there is no option but for the next step to be a bare one – I feel a slight sense of vulnerability, and then my feet tell me what utter nonsense… They are built to work, they say to me… They are built to last and they remind me how much happier they are without shoes to worry about, and that they will be fine…

And then I remember the trouble I had with shoes!

Today my feet are feeling already recovered; healthy, strong, willing… I enjoyed running around and about on the wet green springy grass… A kettle bell class at one end; two men placing barriers and goals up in readiness for a match… A father and son practising football skills together… Runners circled the track and a group arrived to play tennis… Human beings playing together, being together under a grey, warm day… The mountains stark and blue my back drop. as round and round I ran…

What a funny thing to come to planet earth to do… To run and run to become…

I watched a young woman asking the kettle bell instructor how he had come to be working here; ambitious herself it appeared to create her life; an opportunity seen…

Possibilities wherever we look, which ones resonate and call us to them? Which inspire and access the part within us that can aspire to expand, to grow to let go…

I have received a gift of sparkly bright leggings; I know not who has given them to me… I added them to my wish list on my Soles journey and they have appeared… A delightful mystery, receiving a gift and receiving the energy with it… Reminding us that all that matters is that we give, to one another without expectation of return or any exchange… Simply that we let go of anything that blocks us sharing who we are with others, with the world, with all that is…

When we open to loving and accepting ourselves  wholly and completely then loving and giving to others is a natural as breathing, an orientation of care; it cannot be any other way…

This gift of beautiful bright leggings carry with them a message of simply giving for the joy of giving…

If we give and there is any part that has an expectation of some sort of return, then in truth there is a hook within the energy…

If we enter into arrangements and deals with others, then there is a contract and energetic exchange which we agree to – but even within these exchanges it is worth keeping conscious as to how clean and clear the deals are… How free of any sub agenda we are in our part…

Conscious relating from a place of consciously staying connected to ourselves in every moment, allows for clarity and connection – and relationships where we can trust in enjoying clean clear dialogue…

This all takes commitment…

A lot of C’s… And engaging over cake and cafe philosphique is in my experience a fun way to create such joyous exchange…

Reflexology and Una Lección Español….

My feet are tingling; they have been run upon and spa ed and reflexologied… They have had a lot of activity and attention and now they are tingling…

My lovely feet; I love them so much.

I know I have said this before but it is like they are two little separate entities who reside with me… Two ‘beings’ who I look after (sort of!) as they surge forward having found their freedom, enjoying expressing themselves and being visible for the world to see…

Of course I know they are not separate, I know they are part of me… Reflecting on this brings into sharp relief the illusion we have of being separate…

It is useful – and fun – this illusion, because it is giving us our human experience on planet earth. It gives us the opportunity to fully know ourselves – to see ourselves reflected in others, and in all the events and situations in our life…  But – many people do actually believe themselves to be separate…

Imagine the chaos if I truly believed I were separate to my feet…

This is why we have some chaos on our planet… Because rather than seeing the illusion for what it is, and recognising and understanding that we can become whole here in human form – that we can clear away all that hides us from ourselves… Instead we start to blame others for our lack, our pain, our sadness and difficulty,  and this drives a bigger wedge into the very core of ourselves…

My feet are my own metaphor ? And they are also leading me on a journey who knows where… ?

Today I ran 8 miles bringing this week’s total to 58 miles… Only 2 miles off the 60 miles I had set… During the week I had felt a slight ‘push stress’ coming into my energy field, and I know from years and years of experience that this heralds a time to back off… Building the emotional and physical energy is vital when preparing for any event, or project and this comes through being able to carry on….

So on Wednesday night I let go of ‘going for 60’ and even though now, it could look like ‘why didn’t you just run that extra 2 miles’, I know now how important not doing the two miles was, in building the energy for next week and my training ongoing…

In the past, deep inside I always knew what was needed, but the energy of struggle and self destruct were yet to be cleared… And so they played out again and again. I learned then that knowing and mentally understanding a pattern were not enough… I needed to clear away the energy that meant I would go marching towards the misery of the inevitable exhaustion and disappointment… And in clearing it, the difference is so very subtle; but so very life changing…

It was through letting go of any mileage objectives a year ago that has brought me now to be training as much and as well as I am… It took nine whole months, until my feet and my body ‘took off’ by themselves in July and 40 miles emerged in a week, without any plan….

And so today instead of any more running, I went to the spa and sploshed into hot and cold; sat in the steam, felt my body rejuvenate and then lay on a couch having wonderful foot massage reflexology…

Y una lección Español para la hora también ?

‘Go placidly amid the noise and haste…’

I have had a lovely day… It started with my live broadcast about my preparations to run Barefoot Across Spain which I loved so much… To be with people even though we are all miles apart is just such a magic thing!

It reminds me that we are all connected all of the time; we are all communicating and connecting through the ether… All that technology has done is made it easier for us to by pass any blocks in our telepathy and ethereal broadcast systems, to allow us communicate clearly with one another, so that we can then receive the messages and understand them fully…

But it is important that we remember that the air waves are always open, and that we are always communicating with one another… We are always impacting with our energy, and of course being affected by the energy of others… Therefore, it is worth considering in every single moment, the quality of our vibration… What frequency is coming from our being…?

If we are committed to being aware at all times – then we will feel everything that tremors though us… If we are  prepared to take responsibility for not projecting it outwards, or denying the feelings or distracting from then, then we are in a position to clear the energy and to transmute it…

It takes huge commitment to be prepared to stay present 24/7 – to clear the tension, the negative dips, any unkind thoughts, feelings of despair… And on the opposite spectrum the energy of too much zealousness, over drive, over excitement… For they are all vexatious to the soul….

‘Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence…’

Silence is the space in which we know ourselves, and it is in the space of silence that all the extreme feelings can clear. All we need do is truly feel… To know that this is what clearing is…

Feeling the feelings without a story, so that we transform our energy field allowing our light to shine brightly… Others will be affected and infected by the light which can light the way as a guide to themselves….

After my broadcast I went for a run on the grass in the centre of the track… What joy for my feet which are working so hard… Round and round we went – my feet and I – five fun, springy green grass miles before breakfast…

Anadi and I then sat in the sun in El Lago restaurant, enjoying being together and chatting, looking out over the Atlantic ocean, watching the waves crash…

I fully appreciated the simple delight of food after exercise, delicious granola and fruit in yoghurt, carrot apple and ginger juice – with cafe con leche of course – and then I polished off the rest of Anadi’s toast with butter and honey.

The delight of eating with such enjoyment, trust of my body’s wisdom and messages –  freedom…

For so many years – way back in the past now – I was trapped in the tyranny of an eating disorder… But I knew, even then, that this was an energy too… I saw my eating disorder then as my concept of evil as it stripped away my spirit’s expression and my joy… But I knew, I saw that this dark energy was for clearing – and I knew it was possible to clear it away completely. In deeply exploring this obsession of mine, I discovered deeper answers and the key to clearing all darkness as it arose; all tension and fear and so I learnt how to free myself and in the process how to teach others…

I also learned that things can take time – and that it is simply a matter of keeping on keeping on… Never stopping and never being hard on ourselves; simply committing to the process…

Freeing ourselves…

Everything is unfolding…

I was wandering along just now, when a Spanish man asked me… ‘Why no shoes…’? I realised I didn’t really have much of an answer… ‘Because I like it, because my feet like it…’ Perhaps they are a lot of an answer on reflection…

Doing what we like, and our body likes… Ahh but what we like might be doing nothing much at all, or wild outrageous things, or acts of ‘wrong doing’ – and our body, our feet they might want all manner of deemed unhealthy actions and practises…!

I remember reading years and years ago that we must become a master of our body and our mind, or else they could run off in wild ways, and lead us away from the truth of us at the core of our being… I understood this and have lived a life committed to practising and learning how to really master myself… As the years have passed, I eventually found what I ‘knew’,  that my soul communicates through my mind and body… There is no separation; what my feet want and like, my soul needs for its journey here…

But I imagine, I was always going to respond in that way, on reading those words… They resonated with my energy and so I understood and addressed the suggestions they gave me…

Because the more I live this life, the more I truly understand the phrase I have often used… ‘We do not know the path another treads…’ Within my own journey, I was at times certainly pulled hither and thither by my mind and body and set off enthusiastically down routes that did not seem to be of the souls calling…

And yet of course they were… I see the soul now as our energetic makeup over lifetimes… And so challenge, sadness, ill health, pain and heart break can all be part of the soul’s way to experience and work things out… We are all born of consciousness, of love and in this human journey we are learning, experiencing, and gradually remembering our true nature.

We will all eventually return to the source from whence we came; the consciousness from which we are born… Our true self is free… But we cannot pretend to be free until we are.

Everything is unfolding… ‘The best course therefore is to remain silent…’

I tried to run barefoot twice before, but I got injured both times and I can see on reflection that ‘getting hurt’ then was always going to happen… It was part of the journey to me running freely barefoot now… In the same way I was always going to push too hard in my younger days and the heights I dreamed of were going to allude me, as the deeper lessons I learned were what my soul needed to clear the way for true clearing…

I always ‘knew’ when I was going to run well, in advance of the race… The part that sent me circling around in a disappointing cycle was the part of me that ‘wanted’ something out of my reach… wanted running to make me immortal and to know I was loved…

But I now see that I was always going to experience that, I couldn’t learn to let go and love myself without having the human experience of a repeated cycle…We are here to work out our energetic traps and truly acknowledge all we feel, all the places we are held and keep working it out as we live….

And so again we remember the words of Ramana
‘Whatever is destined not to happen will not happen, try as you may. Whatever is destined to happen will happen, do what you may to prevent it. This is certain. The best course, therefore, is to remain silent…’

I have had a lovely day today… I started it by running 10k all around the outskirts of Club la santa where I am staying… I was running in the opposite way to a few people… One of the runners and I connected  and we smiled as we passed each other…

I then decided I would go to barefoot fitness and Kemi as I discovered her name was – the runner from this morning’s run – was there too…

It was a lovely experience to meet her, connect with her and to discover that she is a minimalist shoe and vibram 5 finger barefoot being too… We did the class next to each other and then I asked if she’d like to be in my vlog…

It was a joy to speak with her and to share and to celebrate our similarities, whilst honouring and acknowledging what works for us on our own journey…

Embracing all aspects of who we are…

As I glance around my little apartment here in Club la santa, it looks like I’ve lived here for ages, and that I am a single messy female!

The entire of me is scattered about the flat…

I have always had a tendency when alone to splash myself all about; it is a habit that thankfully I manage when sharing space with another… I do this by mentally apportioning sections of the bathroom, the bedroom and living room to me; so that the splash is contained without impacting on the tidy person I am with…

Anadi is a techy being and has all his wires perfectly coiled; I love to see it… It makes such sense, and is very pleasing to the eye. But I am a splashy colour person – it suits my energy and perhaps rather unexpectedly, there is order for me within the splash…  Anadi by contrast is is a neat Zen white walls and silver surfaces person…

But we both like and admire the difference in the other; we celebrate the expression, the energy that comes out of each of us, and is then made manifest in the way we do things…

We are all different, and we all have different energetic expressions and vibrations… The most important thing is to resist thinking that our way is the right way; or making up stories about what the expression of another might mean…

Criticism can happen if there are wounds within the expression… If we are behaving in a certain way as an act of rebellion or making a statement… The irony is that we will often get criticised for this ‘adaptation’, and so the pattern persists of pushing back and rebelling…

Or maybe we are witnessing another living out our own disowned, hidden or lost self… Our expression is devoid of that aspect, because early in our life we unconsciously or consciously decided our life would work better without it… If this is the case we can find ourselves either strongly despising the way of the other, or yearning to be like them…

We all want to be whole and who we truly are – and so our heart will keep calling to us in a myriad of ways, until we listen and take note…. Whenever there is a strong feeling then it is an arrow to an inner hurt within us to be healed and loved –  or an aspect of ourselves which needs reclaiming and loving…

Anadi and I have both said that if we did ever own a base again, we would need to have to have two – next door to each other – so that Anadi could have white empty Zen space, and I could live in an an explosion in a paint factory!

The key is that we celebrate the differences in one another, and recognise that different situations, places, countries, climates and people can all reflect and uncover unclaimed parts of ourselves to be loved and embraced…

If we find ourselves animatedly talking about our love of art – say – with one friend, and yet in other situations this energy isn’t accessed, then rather than deem the other place ‘not enough’, it is worth investigating what aspects are accessed in the other space and enquire why our energy resonates there… Is it something we recognise we desire to clear or to expand and embrace within us…?

We are such colourful multifaceted beings that a position of wonder and curiosity at how we are in different contexts, and in different relationships allows us to reclaim ourselves and love ourselves in our entirety, as well as keeping open to getting to know ourselves and one another more and more deeply without projection, fear or judgement…

True love is patient and kind…