A healthy self concept; love and acceptance….

The view from my window changes almost daily at the moment… From a seascape in Dorset, to the fields of Provence – to a Sunday run on the South downs as if I had never left – and now I am looking out over the north terminal at Gatwick airport…

Changing vistas, blue skies to grey; sun to rain, green grass to concrete buildings, cars, trains and planes…

The complexity and variety of life on this planet, flashing around me as I journey within; deeper and deeper to a place where I now find that as I bounce around the planet I need no adjustment.

In the beginning, I could feel wrenched away from a place and needed time to get used to the new… Now I find I hit the ground – both literally and metaphorically – running, and the only thing that is really noticeable is the stretchy feeling of time…

A week ago Anadi and I were in Provence… It could be 6 months ago – But by the same token when I meet up with an old friend after a few months, it feels like we had a coffee together only last week….

I love the nomadic life, the planet my home… My belongings on my back and off I go. Anadi is on a techy software course in Cheltenham, so for a few nights we are a two home family!

I woke up in my new home today… Yesterday I stepped out onto Eastbourne seafront to run ten miles on the glorious south downs, today I made my way through the Hilton Hotel at Gatwick to the gym there, available 24 hours…

And this is where I notice my energy has changed significantly… Because nowadays, I always feel good running… This has changed as I have changed. Feeling leaden when running was a normal occurrence, in the past… Something to be endured until I felt light again… I would particularly notice this feeling when travelling or when training after lost sleep – or a change in weather or environment… But now I always feel fluid and fluent.

I ran 10k today on the treadmill…  I warmed up for a mile, ran a mile faster, ran 1/2 a mile at 10 minute pace and repeated 3 times and then cooled down… It was fun, easy and flowing. As I ran I recognised that the part within me that used to try to do more than I could has left… It simply doesn’t exist anymore.

Before I started to run barefoot, I had had a knowing deep down that I needed to start my running all over again… Go back to basics and start at the very beginning; but a thread hung on to what I knew and to the out dated patterns – and I didn’t do it… Until I shed my shoes…

And so the session was comfortable because I didn’t try to run at 7 min miles; I ran where I can feel my natural pace is at the moment…

Of course running this way brings a feeling of possibility, joy and expansion… It felt easy, so I feel I can do more… I am hungry to train again… I feel good about the experience… Win win…

When the over push dynamic is still alive, then the part that is used to struggling, and making things hard, is often trying to be somewhere its not ready to be yet… This attitude means that the whole experience can have a lower vibration energy, too hard, at our limit, can’t do any more, a feeling of dread at doing it again…

Feeling bad about the experience – lose lose …

The key is to have a healthy self concept now; one that is not dependent on our performance in any arena. This way we can stay in the moment, witnessing ourselves clearly without an inflated or negative self concept; but simply one of awareness and self knowledge…  From this place we are open to guidance support because we do not receive it from a place of ‘not good enough’, but from a position of  ‘I wonder what I can do?’

Thinking that anything outside us can make us feel good about ourselves is a chimera… Accepting ourselves and doing things from this place of self love makes for happiness and health and ongoing full involvement in our lives.

Happiness is always to be found inside us, it is an fruitless and endless search if we persist in looking outside, and this orientation can trap us in a feeling of urgency and desperation as we keep seeking…

When all the time we need only look within….

Journeying back in time….

We left a sunny shiny Provence, the light streaking across the rows of grapevines, and open expanse of green brown fields; sky blue, the clouds in sight – fluffy white…

As we hugged Stuart and Sue goodbye, we said ‘We’ll see you somewhere… Maybe Edinburgh next’ – (where they live in the UK) – ‘or perhaps Spain’ I ventured…

‘Oh yes…’ Sue said ‘We’re coming to Almuñecar for your birthday…’

I was delighted…!

On March 27th next year (2018) I will set off from Suances on the North Coast of Spain to run to Almuñecar on the South coast, planning to arrive on my birthday… I am running in my bare feet to raise money for the Friends of Sussex Hospices and staying in France has given me the opportunity for some great road running training…

Now we are flying through the air, 6 miles high… My feet are a little bit tender from a ten days of road running… But like everything it is ‘practicar practicar practicar….’

I have been asked by one of my YouTube fans/friends called Jay Hay to make a custom vlog on what the energy feels like in an aeroplane in bare feet…

I write and speak from my own experience, of being in a universe of energy and that we are all part of this energetic vibration.

It was Nikola Tesla – the scientist who worked closely with Thomas Eddison who said that if we wish to understand the universe we must think in terms of… ‘Energy vibration and frequency…’

I find being on a plane quite a still and silent place for me – in general people are quite contained and not projecting much of their energy outward onto others.. There are of course people who are afraid or angry, upset or ill, or engaging with the person next to them, but it remains that there is an air of respect and recognition as to the affect we are having on others…

It often isn’t until the plane lands and the seat belt sign go off, that all the interacting, mingling and projection of energy begins again with more emphasis…

Later…

I am sitting in the Fox and Pelican pub in Grayshott, a village four miles from the village of Headley where I grew up.

I am here to go to my friend Wendy’s ‘Tipple Art’… We landed at Gatwick and Anadi went to the office and I drove here.

I have just met Athena Jane, but I was an hour early, and my sat nav brought me to the front door of Huntington house where I worked 40 years ago… I drove down memory lane and enjoyed an amazing hour with the daughter of my great friend Mal who I met aged 15 when she was 25… She had a huge and positive influence in my life.

Without the internet back then, our contact drifted when I moved to Bath in 1982 …

But today I met her beautiful daughter… I had heard many years ago that she was in the world, but I had never met her…

It was a very enriching experience to meet Sarah, to walk around the building, feel its energy, creativity and expansion… A building so dear to me, that I saw in a derelict state and was part of a team to breathe life into its walls forty years ago…

But most joyous was to be with Sarah, to experience her, to be around her lovely energy – to know she was born of Mal, who meant so much to me… And to hear her describe her mother – my great friend all those years ago – in such true, loving and glowing terms…

The grass beneath our bare feet…

An alarm at 4.40am did feel a little early… But Anadi and I are used to quite regular ‘mad o clock’ get ups, and it is also fun… We stepped out quietly into the night, no sign of the dawn…  But as we drove, it started to streak its way across the sky in grey and yellow brush strokes…

After dropping off our hire car, we were on the little transfer train from the South to the North terminal and my feet made another new friend… They are often doing this!

I have always enjoyed conversation as I journey; but my feet, now free and unshod, have a life of their own and make friends wherever we go…

So at 5.30am this morning they made friends with a man from New Zealand… He was watching me while I was trying to make my sparkly be jewelled barefoot sandals stop sliding about… He leaned forward to show me how I could make them fit a bit better… I commented on how cold it was today, and he said that he had only started to wear shoes in the UK because of the climate. He lamented that they had become soft, and told me how he used to be able to run across stones without it hurting – that he was barefoot all the time… ‘People don’t know the feeling of freedom without shoes…’ he finished, as we all spilled out of the shuttle, and disappeared into the throng of travellers…

It reminds me of the time when I was little and on my way to nursery school… I was about four or maybe five years old, and we were making our way across the village… My mother was bumping my little sister Rosy in the pushchair along the stony lane where we lived… `I had dressed myself in my favourite red skirt, and I was skipping along beside them with my skirt flying up and down as I went, when suddenly my mother exclaimed…’Darling, you’ve forgotten to put your pants on…!’

Yesterday…

I woke for my last ‘first thing’ run in the country lanes of Buxted as we were leaving so early today… The sky was already bursting with bright beams of sunshine; light sparkled on the cold dewy grass… I set off at what felt a quite civilised 6.30am… It seems that there have been more acorns each time I run here…! It was crisp cold too, I could see my breath and was once again glad to have socks on my tootsies….

I did however fling them off when I returned after a five mile spin, to run naked footed on the lawn… A glorious grass bath for my feet to finish… Such joy… Such a simple act, to stand on the morning grass without shoes on and to feel no separation.

To experience no separation…

Understanding the concept that we are one, is a step towards an experience of being one… Whenever we experience total connection, whether that is with the grass, the sky, the sea, a baby, a lover, a friend, a sunset, a delicious meal –  the first sip of coffee, or a cream tea… A business deal working, a race going well, or an early morning run… Sitting in the sun, singing at the top of our voices or hearing music, and feeling it traverse through our body connecting us with the divine… When we experience being one, then we know that the experience isn’t to do with the thing ‘out there’, it is because we are remembering that we are the sunset, the moon, the stars, the business transaction, the food we are eating, the other… We are not separate…

We are separated when we react or judge or feel attached to, or that we need the experience of the other to make us whole… Then we immediately cut ourselves off from love, from truth, from wholeness.

And so all that we must do is notice when we react or judge, or deem another less than or more than.. Or ourselves less than or more than…. And keep coming back to our centre – enjoying being the rising sun and the falling rain… The ocean and the grass beneath our bare feet…