There is no rush…

Today I went for another treatment with Gerhard and noticed how willing my being and body was to surrender another layer of the tension – of the holding – which shows up in the left side of my body …

I have been clearing the restriction here for thirty years now…
And I have come to see that my body has only let go when it’s been ready to let go…We can only resolve when we are ready to resolve – and before that, however strange it might seem – we might be here to live out the drama or tension and experience this our life this way. It might be the only way we can let go – to first experience the opposite…

 

To experience  joy we might need to know sorrow deeply and well. To experience  ease we might need to feel dis ease…
And as Gerhard said the body needs to open and to melt – and it is the whole being that must give…
There was a time when I had a lot of stories to go with the process in my left side – and these were an important part of the inner clearing work for me…

 

I needed to understand and get insight through my mind …
But of course this is limited, and in truth has the potential to keep the pain stuck in the body and the being as we can ‘become’ the story of our pain, both physical and emotional…

 

We can become more and more interested in the process, and the patterns and the insights – but in the end there comes a time to just ‘let it all go.’

 

Nowadays I don’t have much of a story, although when Gerhard does the initial clearing process he does ask questions. These are not to be in dialogue with him about – but for our own self inquiry and shattering of the old patterns – but the images and ideas that arise are fleeting and purely help with the immediate accessing; and now I can’t really remember them…

 

But I could feel a further releasing occurring and part of me feels I would like to go every single day!

 

Gerhard and I made a vlog together and I asked him about living on Gozo. He told me that it is a space for him to come back to himself; that there are no distractions and so he must be with himself and listen to his inner voice to his heart – with nothing to take him outside of himself…
He emphasised it is necessary for us all… To eventually return to ourselves and to be with ourselves…

 

This is the journey we are all on – but there is no rush… Things of the spirit happen in their own time.

 

We cannot rush it anymore than we can rush the turning of the tide…

 
 
 

Our path to joyous self expression

As I sit here ready to write I have just seen a little girl stride by with a kitten in her arms… The kitten looked resigned, relaxed, prepared – for the moment – to go where the little girl was taking it.

Trusting the hands of the child; as I trusted the hands of the giant man who strode into the massage room yesterday.

My five treatments with Huseyin over the past week were wonderful… Stretching opening, coaxing my body to let go, to surrender any harmful tension. He would leave me at the end to lie in a dimmed room in an ‘out of body state’ –  which I never wanted to end….

I love that space where I am not in my body, where images of other paradigms, lives past and future perhaps, flash in and out like a dream – but I am not sleeping…. An altered state between wake and sleep.

Yesterday’s massage was a different experience entirely!

Anadi and I made a trip to The Kelebek hammam, where for the first part we alternated between sauna, cold pool, steam, rubbing salt over us in a wooden cabin… Back to the cold pool, ending up eventually in a big ‘wet room’ – slabs of marble to lie on – where we were pummelled and scrubbed, foam whooshed on our bodies, more rubbing and massaging, finishing with buckets of water sloshed over us. We were then ferried out one by one as our treatment was done, to lie and relax…

There were about ten of us, all in different ‘stages’ sitting about the hammam in states of bedraggled wet undress…

I didn’t know what would happen next… I was a bit unsure as to what we had booked, so I lay and waited…

After a while a Turkish man appeared who spoke English… He informed me that I could have a twenty minute massage as part of the package, or I could pay more and have an hour 🙂

I paid more… And requested the ‘deep massage…’

Enter very very  big man… A smiley big man. He spoke a little English… We introduced ourselves and he found out I was British…

‘I have been to England once, I have to say I do not like England, I do not like the weather…’ He then said… ‘If there is pain miss Julia, you say…’

I then lay, and practiced my ‘letting go technique’ for painful massages… I pretend I am unconscious in an operation, and that I am trusting the hands that are working on me… In the same way the little kitten was trusting the hands of the little girl… (Although of course were the little girl to start to inflict pain the kitten would behave very differently to me!) So my analogy ends there… Think big, and then think little, in the hands of big!

And so in this state, I am able to let go and not perceive the extreme pressure on my body, as pain… Instead I am unconscious, trusting and letting go… At points my mind started to ‘think’… ‘Not sure I can take this…’ But then I remembered I was ‘unconscious’  and trusted that this man would not break my body… In fact the reverse, that he would help it become more free…

At the end he said … ‘You are stronger than me…I used all my techniques…’

Later on as we were leaving he said again…  ‘You strong, I have men who cry out under my hands, but you; there was no sound…

Although I have frequently been told that I have a high pain threshold… I see that it in part comes through surrendering, letting go, not resisting or tensing up when things are painful and difficult… Which then allows for the pain to release, and ultimately release us rather than cause more pain…

We all know what pain feels like, physical and emotional… We are all united in this understanding… It can be so debilitating, especially when it seems relentless; is relentless…

But as humans we so often try to avoid pain by numbing it, distracting from it, projecting it outwards onto others…

Of course thankfully now, we have pain relief to help us through physical pain and to help us when the emotional pain is too much to bear… When we are unable – at that time – to do the necessary work to heal… When it is too overwhelming.

But it remains that facing and being with our pain can lead us more deeply to ourselves, to freedom and to a deeper inner peace and relaxation… I have experienced much pain in my body over the years; as well as much emotional pain… And I have seen both as routes ultimately to deeper understanding and freedom…

This is not of course always an easy path, and it can be a long one; which is why it is important that the pain doesn’t overwhelm, debilitate to such a degree that there seems no way out… This is where pain relief can be a bridge across to doing the work necessary to find inner freedom…

And then a combination of emotional clearing work and body clearing work has the potential to lead us forward on our path to joyous self expression…

 

Namaste… The spirit in me honours the spirit in you

I believe I have now just about mastered how to say ‘Thank you’ in Turkish, but it doesn’t really seem to matter anymore… We now have made new friends who know what I am trying to say and immediately say the Turkish equivalent of the ‘de nada’; ‘you’re welcome’ return without trying to correct me or help me in my Turkish pronunciation development anymore…!

I have discovered that Huseyin, my ‘mixed treatment massage therapist’ can also say ‘See you tomorrow…’ So we have a little addition to our conversation of ‘Hello’ and later on in our hour together… ‘Turn over…’

But being here, without much language reminds me again that communication and relationship is fundamentally about connecting and relating first from the heart and soul; language is then the opportunity to deepen and expand our relating together…

It can be so creative to use words, they can add so much to our connections, but they also hold the possibility to hurt and wound, a poisoned chalice when what is said isn’t the truth; or isn’t what a person is thinking, let alone what their heart wants to say.

And so not speaking and just being together; properly looking at one another, eye gazing, connecting, feeling, sensing, touching can close any divides that language might bring.

I feel very known by Huseyin as he works on my body each day, there is a familiarity – a relationship.

Adding words can of course open so much and serve to deepen connection… But it can also provide the wedges we put between us as we discover that we have different beliefs, the different values and ideas about life, and instead of opening to them and validating them we deem them odd, bad, wrong, ‘not like us’ – and so a gulf can appear.

But of course with conscious and intentional use of speaking and listening, then language can serve to open and expand our relating in magical ways… Whether that be through the written word, or through dialogue…

By committing to clearing every shard of ‘reactivity’ that arises in the face of the actions or words of another; we are in a position to speak from clarity and wisdom… This doesn’t mean condoning acts of cruelty, violence or wrong doing… But it does mean clearing from within us any energy of violence or cruelty which may arise in the face of witnessing these events…

And clearing anger hurt disappointment when there has been no wrong doing – but simply our own way of how we see a situation, or receiving the words or actions of another – which may have had no malice in them at all – which touched some unresolved memory or pain deep inside…

It is all to do with us…

All that is occurring around us is to do with us…

And so again, while I am here connecting to people more through the warmth of human connection than language, it allows me to see into the eyes and heart of others and know there is no separation…

I have a relationship with one young woman here, born of us being together when her mother was not happy about something… I was waiting to ask a question about the internet… Her mother moved in front of me and expressed in extremely angry words (which I didn’t understand) how unhappy she was, to the lady who was there to answer our queries.

I was waiting and watching the theatre of life unfolding, when her daughter (I’ve made up it was her daughter! The younger woman) who was trying to placate her, caught my eye and we smiled.

Since then we have seen one another a few times – and smiled, with a bond formed of our brief encounter…

And on Saturday Anadi and I will be gone; we touched down and felt the Turkish earth beneath our feet, we have a feeling for the people here, we have engaged to the level we can and enjoyed the camaraderie when buying Turkish Coffee or asking for directions on yet another ‘Julia and Anadi special not getting to where we were meant to sight seeing tour’!

And the biggest thing I notice still, wherever I travel is the similarities, rather than the differences – I enjoy the differences, celebrate in them – but at the essential core level of us all, I see the same spark… Human beings, being human; making their way through this maze called life.

Seeking to see the spirit of ourselves in the spirit of another – Namaste – is a way for us all to truly be together…