There is no rush…

Today I went for another treatment with Gerhard and noticed how willing my being and body was to surrender another layer of the tension – of the holding – which shows up in the left side of my body …

I have been clearing the restriction here for thirty years now…
And I have come to see that my body has only let go when it’s been ready to let go…We can only resolve when we are ready to resolve – and before that, however strange it might seem – we might be here to live out the drama or tension and experience this our life this way. It might be the only way we can let go – to first experience the opposite…

 

To experience  joy we might need to know sorrow deeply and well. To experience  ease we might need to feel dis ease…
And as Gerhard said the body needs to open and to melt – and it is the whole being that must give…
There was a time when I had a lot of stories to go with the process in my left side – and these were an important part of the inner clearing work for me…

 

I needed to understand and get insight through my mind …
But of course this is limited, and in truth has the potential to keep the pain stuck in the body and the being as we can ‘become’ the story of our pain, both physical and emotional…

 

We can become more and more interested in the process, and the patterns and the insights – but in the end there comes a time to just ‘let it all go.’

 

Nowadays I don’t have much of a story, although when Gerhard does the initial clearing process he does ask questions. These are not to be in dialogue with him about – but for our own self inquiry and shattering of the old patterns – but the images and ideas that arise are fleeting and purely help with the immediate accessing; and now I can’t really remember them…

 

But I could feel a further releasing occurring and part of me feels I would like to go every single day!

 

Gerhard and I made a vlog together and I asked him about living on Gozo. He told me that it is a space for him to come back to himself; that there are no distractions and so he must be with himself and listen to his inner voice to his heart – with nothing to take him outside of himself…
He emphasised it is necessary for us all… To eventually return to ourselves and to be with ourselves…

 

This is the journey we are all on – but there is no rush… Things of the spirit happen in their own time.

 

We cannot rush it anymore than we can rush the turning of the tide…

 
 
 

Addressing, releasing, clearing…

The alarm woke me at 6.18am, which never used to feel very early in my ‘past life’, but in my current life –  my life with Anadi – it certainly does, as bedtime is never really before midnight…

I had actually set it for 6am, but at 4.18am had woken for a wee, and changed it to 6.18 as I liked the idea of two more hours in bed!

But the sight of the sun rising above Gozo harbour made me very glad that I was up and very soon I was out of the door.

It was a cloudy warm day and  I wore my Skinners socks because I can run faster in them on the road… I don’t need to watch out quite so vigilantly, and I don’t need to slow down over the uneven ouchie bits, or on the scattered stony sections at the side of the road, when I jump there to avoid the cars!

I had a treatment booked with Gerhard and I wanted to run and breakfast first… The run was a delight; I am loving the feeling of flow that my increased fitness is bringing. …

A lifetime of running…

It is a joy to keep practising and perfecting my art; a quest that never ends and I delight now in the ongoing investigation – the exploration to find the perfect true point, the balance, the silence, the body’s centre point.

I can feel where there is slight imbalance, an uneven holding in my shoulders, a very slight twist in my left hip – and now I just notice these things… I also notice the slight improvements that are occurring over months rather than days. I was last here in Gozo a year ago, and returning is allowing me to see the improvements, to recall how I was then – and to recognise where I find myself freer now…

You see I was always in a rush to ‘get there’, to be ‘free’, ‘free in my movement’ and ‘free of pain’… What I didn’t see back then, was that the ‘whole thing’, the orientation of ‘wanting’ to be free, ironically kept me locked into the very energy that I needed to let go of!

I met Gerhard two years ago when I was looking for a ‘sports massage’… He offers so much more. He is a gifted healer, and his orientation is towards clearing… Perfect.

I had booked a three hour session. The first hour was spent in a clearing exercise where he asked me questions related to organs in the body, places I might be holding emotionally, any conflict within, any emotional injuries, any issues I might want to work with.

I loved the hour; my processes are paler these days, but this is where it is so important to notice. It can be easy when feeling clearer and lighter to stop noticing the subtle energies which still need addressing, releasing, clearing.

It can be even more important to go within and clear as the subtle ‘holding on’, can still keep us from freedom, expansion, silence.

After the clearing, he gave me a two hour treatment, starting with a sound healing bath from two Tibetan singing bowls which he placed on my back… The sensation was incredible, and then the massage with some gentle subtle manipulation; my body loved it and I was not there…. I floated out of my body, I left it behind so that it could let go of any tension.

I am going again next week, and Gerhard has agreed to make a vlog with me – so you will meet him then!

And then rest of the day has unfolded easily meeting Anadi for lunch and spending the afternoon writing…

A perfect day….